The Problem with Overemphasizing Modesty
The article is very well written, and emphasizes important points with respect to a female perspective. One of the opening points describes the author's attempts to help two young boys (who were expressing disapproval of a young woman wearing a two-piece swimsuit) to better understand modesty.
Reading the story, I was persuaded that he motives were clearly defined by her concern for the young woman, the object of the boys' attention. Since the author is a woman, this is perfectly understandable.
As a male, and with similar concern for the welfare of men, I felt motivated to add some additional commentary to some of the points made in the article (in italics).
1. When we reduce the concept of modesty to what females wear, we are reinforcing the very thing that modesty is supposed to help avoid: the sexual objectification of women's bodies.
There is definitely truth in this. Modesty goes beyond apparel on women. A well-covered individual that performs provocative dance moves, for example, is also immodest. Additionally, reducing the reasoning behind modesty to avoiding the sexual objectification of women's bodies contradicts most of the rest of the author's points... that modesty is about more than sexual objectification, and that it applies to both men and women.
2. Overemphasizing modesty can unintentionally teach that girls are responsible for boys' sexual thoughts and behaviors.
Without a doubt, there is no man (or woman) who should expect to stand before God at that great and judgement day and suppose that their inappropriate thoughts and/or behavior will be excused by claiming "the devil made me do it." This is true, even if the devil was literally trying to make them do it.
Consider the behavior of the daughter of Jared, who danced before Akish in order to manipulate him to murder Omer, the king of the Jaredites. (Ether 8:9-10) Of course, she didn't kill the king. She didn't make him ask to marry her. She just danced.
Consider the behavior of Herodias, who danced before king Herod, and then eventually requested the head of John the Baptist. (Mark 6:21-28) Of course, she didn't behead John. She didn't even know what to ask of the king, she just did what her mother had said.
Do we suppose that these women, who used their bodies and manipulated men, are completely guiltless? Would it be appropriate for a young woman to walk around nude in front of young men, since girls are not responsible for boys' sexual thoughts and behaviors? What if the young woman were only topless, or were only wearing underwear like the provocative models who part men with their money at lingerie stores in shopping malls?
Everyone can benefit from understanding that no one lives in a vacuum. Women are unfairly bombarded with negativity, disrespect, and incorrect expectations. Men are unfairly bombarded with images, movies, and sometimes even friends and associates, who portray women in provocative ways. Instead of saying that one group is not responsible for issues in another group (even when it is true), we ought to understand that everyone benefits from mutual respect. Men should never think that a girl's skimpy outfit provoked inappropriate behavior, and women ought to show compassion for the many men fighting internal battles against temptations by not adding to them.
3. Overemphasizing modesty can shame girls for having a feminine body and for physically developing into a woman.
This is true... and unfortunate. A woman may be trying hard to dress in a modest manner, and still seem provocative to some men. It is also true that a man may be trying hard to control their thoughts, and run into a provocative situation or pornographic image.
On the other hand, there is no shortage of voices who tell girls... particularly those with feminine figures, that their beauty should be displayed and admired when they actually mean to objectify and exploit these young women.
Underemphasizing modesty may be just as dangerous to men and women. There is no easy answer to this, and no single approach should be expected to be universally successful.
4. Overemphasizing modesty gives others implicit permission to judge and measure a woman’s dedication to the gospel, or “worthiness,” based on physical appearance.
People judge dedication and worthiness for multiple reasons, and none of them are appropriate, but few of them are baseless.
It is possible that the young man with ripped jean jacket and a mullet may be living the standards of the church. It is appropriate for his Bishop to ask him to cut his hair and wear a white shirt and tie before he blesses the sacrament, serves a mission, or even accompanies a senior companion in a home teaching visit, but it is wrong for others to suggest that his appearance jeopardizes his place in the kingdom of God.
The same ideas are just as applicable for young women.
5. Overemphasizing modesty in our young women may send a message that modesty does not apply to males.
While it is true that modesty applies to both men and women (see #4), let's not pretend that it applies differently to men and women. An honest examination of male sexuality accepts that men are driven by the visual so much more than women, that it is nearly impossible to compare them... One of the most honest and clear explanations of this fact can be found in this video:
The author concludes her article with suggestions to improve modesty conversations. Many of these ideas are excellent, and deserve consideration. I might also add the following:
- Pornography is harmful
- Pornography is not limited to nude photographs and videos on the internet, it includes all forms of immodest and provocative clothing, speech, and behavior.
- Men and women are different
- While this may seem obvious, being aware of these differences can allow us to help one another to be better.
- Satan is real
- There are literal forces who want to use men to shame and degrade women. The same forces also want to use women to manipulate and destroy men. It is important not only to avoid temptation, but to avoid becoming a pawn of the tempter.
- Standards of modesty and morality strengthen men and women
- Imagine a world in which there were no sexually transmitted diseases, no children born into broken homes, and no damaging battles in family courts for custody and money. Universal adherence to the law of chastity would largely accomplish these feats. Faithful marriage and family life is perhaps the best way to protect men and women of all ages, and modesty and morality can, in part, represent the effort of individuals to realize this ideal.
It is definitely possible to overemphasize modesty, and doing so can be harmful in a variety of ways... but in our zeal to avoid such harms, let us not cast modesty aside. The counsel of Christ to "love thy neighbor as thyself" (Matthew 22:39) is intended to motivate every son and daughter of God to help one another in the path that leads to his Kingdom. Jesus did this not only by proclaiming love (John 15:11-13), but also by warning of potential danger (Matthew 7:15, Matthew 16:6). Let his model adorn each conversation regarding modesty.
