<Satire>
By Dr. Julie Hanks
Previously, I posted about women in the LDS church on Facebook. I opened by reminding everyone that my views are often misrepresented as men vs. women. I then thoroughly refuted that by contrasting how we look at men vs. how we look at women. Fortunately, most of my followers were able to ignore the thick envy that guided my post... so I decided to make a followup post about children in the LDS church along the same lines.
First off, (in case you were wondering) I'm still going to avoid referring to the church by its official name, while reminding you to be sensitive to the language you use... because, President Nelson was only a heart surgeon; I'm the therapist!
Second, I notice that there are few children represented in General Conference talks. In fact, it is incredibly rare to see anyone younger than 30 speak. Is it because of our subconscious hatred of children? You might not think so, but yes, it definitely is.
I also have noticed how few children are in decision making councils in the church. Sure, leaders say they love children, but unless you let some one make all policy decisions for you, do you actually love them?
Along the same lines, I want to encourage church leaders to do more of what I want... because that's the sign of a church led by God.
As a church, we can do more! We can do better! Because while members of the church try to follow Christ and his Apostles today, together, we can inspire them to follow social media influencers instead. (Remember to like and share this post!)
</Satire>
Thursday, August 29, 2019
Monday, August 26, 2019
Satire: Missionaries From Secretive Church Slip Up - Admit Joseph Smith saw God, leave copy of the Book of Mormon
<Satire>
Earlier this afternoon, a pair of missionaries representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knocked on the door of Provo skeptic Ben Robert Ottley. Knowing that these missionaries were likely keeping secrets about their enigmatic faith, Ben invited the Elders into his living room.
"I was totally shocked!" reported Ben. "I always heard that Mormons keep secrets about their church, even from their members... you know... just giving people the easy-to-digest bits and covering up their really bold claims... but these dudes must have missed that memo!"
Apparently, Elder Smith openly claimed that Joseph Smith was a literal prophet who saw God and even translated a book of ancient scripture called The Book of Mormon. The missionaries did not seem to care that Ben's roommates were in the back, and could have easily overheard these audacious claims.
"Not only did they totally share the boldest teachings of their religion," continued Ben. "But they also left me a copy of their book... you know... the Book of Mormon. And get this... they asked me to read it!"
Elder Jones explained that he should not just take the word of the missionaries that their message about prophets of Christ was true, but that he should pray for himself, promising that God would help him to know the truth.
"I thought they were supposed to keep all that stuff secret!" laughed Ben. "Well, joke's on them... I'm going to read through that book this week! Bet they'll be sorry then!"
</Satire>
Earlier this afternoon, a pair of missionaries representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knocked on the door of Provo skeptic Ben Robert Ottley. Knowing that these missionaries were likely keeping secrets about their enigmatic faith, Ben invited the Elders into his living room.
"I was totally shocked!" reported Ben. "I always heard that Mormons keep secrets about their church, even from their members... you know... just giving people the easy-to-digest bits and covering up their really bold claims... but these dudes must have missed that memo!"
Apparently, Elder Smith openly claimed that Joseph Smith was a literal prophet who saw God and even translated a book of ancient scripture called The Book of Mormon. The missionaries did not seem to care that Ben's roommates were in the back, and could have easily overheard these audacious claims.
"Not only did they totally share the boldest teachings of their religion," continued Ben. "But they also left me a copy of their book... you know... the Book of Mormon. And get this... they asked me to read it!"
Elder Jones explained that he should not just take the word of the missionaries that their message about prophets of Christ was true, but that he should pray for himself, promising that God would help him to know the truth.
"I thought they were supposed to keep all that stuff secret!" laughed Ben. "Well, joke's on them... I'm going to read through that book this week! Bet they'll be sorry then!"
</Satire>
Sunday, August 25, 2019
Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 35 - Let's covet some nice gifts!
This week, the Come Follow Me curriculum brings us to 1 Cor 8-13. We focus on the various roles and gifts people have, and that we should covet the best spiritual gifts. Study with me!
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-35-lets-covet-some-nice-gifts
Youtube:
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-35-lets-covet-some-nice-gifts
Youtube:
Thursday, August 22, 2019
Satire: Heartwarming - Lonely man who turned against his church finds genuine connection with porn video
<Satire>
Evan was about twenty years old when he decided to turn his back on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He said that it was really hard to leave an organization that invested heavily in his growth and development including fun activities including delicious meals, camping excursions, spiritual instruction, and leaders that volunteered their own time and resources to help him.
"I was really lonely after I told them that I refused to be brainwashed into their cult," explains Evan. "I've gone through a lot of depression, and sometimes, it seemed like I couldn't drink enough to dull the pain..."
That's when a miracle happened for Evan. He found a new porn video on his computer!
"Yeah, it's totally different than the ones I was watching last week!" exclaims Evan. "I feel a real connection to the star, even though I don't know her real name, or anything about her life, and there's no chance of actually meeting her, let alone having a conversation with her."
Evan explained that, unlike the stars of the other videos, he is actually in love... and with so much anger, aggression, and apathy on social media, it's nice to see genuine affection for a change!
</Satire>
Evan was about twenty years old when he decided to turn his back on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He said that it was really hard to leave an organization that invested heavily in his growth and development including fun activities including delicious meals, camping excursions, spiritual instruction, and leaders that volunteered their own time and resources to help him.
"I was really lonely after I told them that I refused to be brainwashed into their cult," explains Evan. "I've gone through a lot of depression, and sometimes, it seemed like I couldn't drink enough to dull the pain..."
That's when a miracle happened for Evan. He found a new porn video on his computer!
"Yeah, it's totally different than the ones I was watching last week!" exclaims Evan. "I feel a real connection to the star, even though I don't know her real name, or anything about her life, and there's no chance of actually meeting her, let alone having a conversation with her."
Evan explained that, unlike the stars of the other videos, he is actually in love... and with so much anger, aggression, and apathy on social media, it's nice to see genuine affection for a change!
</Satire>
Sunday, August 18, 2019
Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 34 - Paul said what about marriage?!
This week the Come Follow Me curriculum brings us to 1 Corinthians 1-7. Paul teaches some important truths about contention, about the divine nature of our bodies... and then gives some surprising counsel about marriage. Study with me!
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-34-paul-said-what-about-marriage
Youtube:
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-34-paul-said-what-about-marriage
Youtube:
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 33 - Joint-Heirs with Christ
This week, Come Follow Me wraps up the book of Romans. Paul talks about elections and foreknowledge, leading to the question "is free will real?" Also, what is meant by being Joint-Heirs with Christ. Study with me!
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-33-joint-heirs-with-christ
Youtube:
Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-33-joint-heirs-with-christ
Youtube:
Sunday, August 4, 2019
Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 32 - Is grace truly a "free gift?"
The Come Follow Me curriculum brings us to Romans 1-6. We dive into Paul's counsel about human nature, being servants of sin or righteousness, and what is meant by grace being a "free gift." Study with me!
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-32-is-grace-truly-a-free-gift
Youtube:
SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-32-is-grace-truly-a-free-gift
Youtube:
Thursday, August 1, 2019
An Appeal to the Highest Authority
The Apostle Paul knew exactly what would happen if he gave in to the request of Festus, to be tried in Jerusalem. The chief priests had asked Festus to bring Paul from Caesarea so that they could kill him. He had been locked away for two years with no conviction because of the corruption of local leaders, but in spite of the peril he faced, he still had one recourse:
Every Roman citizen could, when a local governor or authority seemed unjust, appeal their case to the highest authority in the Roman government... to Caesar himself.
Standing before Festus, Paul used his last maneuver:
"Then said Paul, I stand at Caesar's judgment seat, where I ought to be judged: to the Jews have I done no wrong, as thou very well knowest. For if I be an offender, or have committed any thing worthy of death, I refuse not to die: but if there be none of these things whereof these accuse me, no man may deliver me unto them. I appeal unto Caesar." (Acts 25:10-11)
As corrupt as the local governors were, they still had to honor this fundamental Roman right. There was only one possible reply that Festus could give, and he gave it:
"Hast thou appealed unto Caesar? unto Caesar shalt thou go."
Of course, the logistics of having one high authority hear every case make this a difficult right to honor. Caesar might not have had any time for any other matters of state had he needed to immediately honor every appeal. The obvious solution is to have the accused wait until such time that Caesar could hear there case... time which Paul used to communicate with the church and preach Jesus as he was able.
Similar systems of appeal have been employed by other organizations and governments. A notable example is the Supreme Court of the United States. Each year, thousands of applications are made for Writ of Certiorari, which allows the case to be heard before the Supreme Court. Only small number of these applications are granted. Between the years 2014-2017, the year with the highest percentage of granted applications was 2015, with only 4.2% of applications submitted being granted. (https://supremecourtpress.com/chance_of_success.html)
The logistics of hearing numerous cases may be daunting, but compounding the difficulty, the final judgment may not be just. In the United States, cases such as Dred Scott v Sanford, which ruled against an escaped slave, demonstrate the potential for bad decisions by the Supreme Court.
Though we do not know the result of Paul's case from the New Testament, there are traditions that suggest Paul was beheaded by Nero. Whether or not this is true, most sources seem to agree that Paul never left Rome.
While a system of appeals may be able to mitigate problems with unfair treatment, and encourage justice, the costs of such a system are significant, and it is clear that a system run by corruptible people can be corrupted.
Perhaps this is the reason that human beings have been given one last recourse... an appeal to the Highest Authority.
This is not just an application for Writ of Certiorari. It is not a queue into which a person enters and waits for years to be heard. It does not require a lengthy journey or a complex scheduling algorithm. It does not even require a specific type of case; the appeal can be used for any reason.
Does this appeal seem too good to be true? It should.
Right now, at this very minute, whether you are bearing a difficult burden or just need a little comfort... whether you have endured awful abuse, or you're just not getting along with someone... whether you need answers to serious questions about life, love, and purpose, or you have misplaced your keys... You can appeal immediately to the Highest Authority!
The name of this appeal is prayer.
While, on the surface, this may seem to be a simple thing, consider how ludicrous it would be to file a Writ of Certiorari because of an argument about what to have for dinner. You might not want to stand before a King or Emperor asking for help remembering where you put your phone down, or to do well on an exam. You probably don't expect Oprah and Dr. Phil to personally come and help you sort out your relationship issues.
Yet the Eternal God who knows all and forged the plan that put billions and billions of people into mortality sends all his prophets and apostles to remind you to come to him with all of these things because he is eager to hear and help you!
The volume of requests cannot exceed his capacity to hear and answer... the triviality of your worries will not exclude you from approaching his throne... he will not weary of hearing genuine the genuine pleas of his beloved children... and in spite of how insignificant we are in comparison to him, he invites you to call him Father.
Only a fool would neglect such a ridiculously generous gift. Don't be a fool... however long it has been since you have appealed to the Highest Authority, do it again. Call upon God in prayer. Even if you have made mistakes... even if they have been serious mistakes... all you need is a sincere heart and faith that he can hear and answer. Mercy and love abounds among all those who kneel before him and call upon his name.
Every Roman citizen could, when a local governor or authority seemed unjust, appeal their case to the highest authority in the Roman government... to Caesar himself.
Standing before Festus, Paul used his last maneuver:
"Then said Paul, I stand at Caesar's judgment seat, where I ought to be judged: to the Jews have I done no wrong, as thou very well knowest. For if I be an offender, or have committed any thing worthy of death, I refuse not to die: but if there be none of these things whereof these accuse me, no man may deliver me unto them. I appeal unto Caesar." (Acts 25:10-11)
As corrupt as the local governors were, they still had to honor this fundamental Roman right. There was only one possible reply that Festus could give, and he gave it:
"Hast thou appealed unto Caesar? unto Caesar shalt thou go."
Of course, the logistics of having one high authority hear every case make this a difficult right to honor. Caesar might not have had any time for any other matters of state had he needed to immediately honor every appeal. The obvious solution is to have the accused wait until such time that Caesar could hear there case... time which Paul used to communicate with the church and preach Jesus as he was able.
Similar systems of appeal have been employed by other organizations and governments. A notable example is the Supreme Court of the United States. Each year, thousands of applications are made for Writ of Certiorari, which allows the case to be heard before the Supreme Court. Only small number of these applications are granted. Between the years 2014-2017, the year with the highest percentage of granted applications was 2015, with only 4.2% of applications submitted being granted. (https://supremecourtpress.com/chance_of_success.html)
The logistics of hearing numerous cases may be daunting, but compounding the difficulty, the final judgment may not be just. In the United States, cases such as Dred Scott v Sanford, which ruled against an escaped slave, demonstrate the potential for bad decisions by the Supreme Court.
Though we do not know the result of Paul's case from the New Testament, there are traditions that suggest Paul was beheaded by Nero. Whether or not this is true, most sources seem to agree that Paul never left Rome.
While a system of appeals may be able to mitigate problems with unfair treatment, and encourage justice, the costs of such a system are significant, and it is clear that a system run by corruptible people can be corrupted.
Perhaps this is the reason that human beings have been given one last recourse... an appeal to the Highest Authority.
This is not just an application for Writ of Certiorari. It is not a queue into which a person enters and waits for years to be heard. It does not require a lengthy journey or a complex scheduling algorithm. It does not even require a specific type of case; the appeal can be used for any reason.
Does this appeal seem too good to be true? It should.
Right now, at this very minute, whether you are bearing a difficult burden or just need a little comfort... whether you have endured awful abuse, or you're just not getting along with someone... whether you need answers to serious questions about life, love, and purpose, or you have misplaced your keys... You can appeal immediately to the Highest Authority!
The name of this appeal is prayer.
While, on the surface, this may seem to be a simple thing, consider how ludicrous it would be to file a Writ of Certiorari because of an argument about what to have for dinner. You might not want to stand before a King or Emperor asking for help remembering where you put your phone down, or to do well on an exam. You probably don't expect Oprah and Dr. Phil to personally come and help you sort out your relationship issues.
Yet the Eternal God who knows all and forged the plan that put billions and billions of people into mortality sends all his prophets and apostles to remind you to come to him with all of these things because he is eager to hear and help you!
The volume of requests cannot exceed his capacity to hear and answer... the triviality of your worries will not exclude you from approaching his throne... he will not weary of hearing genuine the genuine pleas of his beloved children... and in spite of how insignificant we are in comparison to him, he invites you to call him Father.
Only a fool would neglect such a ridiculously generous gift. Don't be a fool... however long it has been since you have appealed to the Highest Authority, do it again. Call upon God in prayer. Even if you have made mistakes... even if they have been serious mistakes... all you need is a sincere heart and faith that he can hear and answer. Mercy and love abounds among all those who kneel before him and call upon his name.
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