<Satire>
Evan was about twenty years old when he decided to turn his back on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He said that it was really hard to leave an organization that invested heavily in his growth and development including fun activities including delicious meals, camping excursions, spiritual instruction, and leaders that volunteered their own time and resources to help him.
"I was really lonely after I told them that I refused to be brainwashed into their cult," explains Evan. "I've gone through a lot of depression, and sometimes, it seemed like I couldn't drink enough to dull the pain..."
That's when a miracle happened for Evan. He found a new porn video on his computer!
"Yeah, it's totally different than the ones I was watching last week!" exclaims Evan. "I feel a real connection to the star, even though I don't know her real name, or anything about her life, and there's no chance of actually meeting her, let alone having a conversation with her."
Evan explained that, unlike the stars of the other videos, he is actually in love... and with so much anger, aggression, and apathy on social media, it's nice to see genuine affection for a change!
</Satire>
