Every young man in the LDS church knows there is an expectation... a commandment even... to prepare and serve a two-year mission. Church leaders frequently explain how important it is to share the gospel with everyone, and how substantial the opportunities are for learning and gaining experience through missionary service.
In some areas, the importance of this service translated into grand and glorious farewells and homecomings to honor those that had given such service. Such displays certainly contribute to generating interest in missionary service, but not always in positive ways.
Additionally, leaders of LDS young women frequently encourage the attitude that they ought to seek out a spouse that is a returned missionary. Nearly every time a young woman in LDS meetings or activities described the qualities and accomplishments of their "ideal" husband, returned missionary was among them.
For all the difficulties that men may have when it comes to listening, this fact is known by all men that serve as missionaries. When these young men return home, particularly those with limited dating abilities will fall back to this memory, and any conversation in which they participate will recall a story or experience from their mission that will allow them to spread the word that they are a returned missionary.
In some cases, these efforts can help make girls that would otherwise been unavailable open enough to present a dating opportunity. In cases where the area is already saturated with returned missionaries, the value of completing such service, while still something, is substantially less valuable to women.
At some point after missionary service, whether successful or not in using the "on my mission" mating call, men tend to realize that the glorious return where people lined up to shake their hand is fleeting, and it is important to build new experiences and accomplishments in employment, education, and religious service, just like everyone else.
While young men are told in the form of a commandment that they should prepare and serve a mission, young women are offered this service opportunity as an option. For some of these sisters, missionary service becomes appealing only when there are no imminent marriage prospects, while for others, it is appealing regardless. Sisters from both of these categories can achieve success in missionary efforts.
When service concludes for sister missionaries, many of them seem to fall into the same pattern as returned Elders. Every conversation and every comment they offer in church includes the male mating call "...on my mission..." along with some anecdote or experience.
Of course, almost no men have "returned missionary" on their list of required achievements and accomplishments when seeking a wife. Additionally, since numerous men in the LDS church have served missions, they know that missionary service does not guarantee that a person is kind, honest, intelligent, or even that they have good communication skills. Returned missionaries know that they themselves, regardless of their intentions, made numerous mistakes.
Additionally, most men do not look for a woman that has a good resume or an impressive list of accomplishments. They want someone that is attractive and will agree with them about things they will not compromise (such as religious truths, political views, whether it's ok to eat steak, and the belief that investing some time in the Legend of Zelda is a good thing). Missionary experience does not make a woman more appealing. If women intend it as a mating call of their own, it is a poor choice.
For some people, the phrase "...on my mission..." causes negative feelings. Although missionary service is an option for women, those that persist in relating everything to an experience they had on their mission can cause women who made choices beside full-time missionary service to feel regret, guilt, or inferiority. Particularly for women who were married and started families, there are already enough voices in society telling them that motherhood is not as valuable as careers or other accomplishments... Members of the church ought to avoid guilt tripping women for making correct choices.
Some might respond to this assertion by asking why it would be acceptable for men to talk about their missions and not women. I suggest that men also need to temper the degree with which they use "...on my mission..." Of course since there are so many LDS single women who are determined to marry a returned missionary, a single man may feel the need to communicate that they meet this requirement. That having been said, people ought to see it for what it is: a mating call... and all mating calls are meant to be declarations of superiority.
In other words, a person that says "...on my mission, I [accomplished feat]..." is really saying "consider me to be a superior choice for romantic commitment because I [served a mission]..." Even if the return missionary is female, anyone that frequently refers to their mission comes off as though they are claiming superiority to those who have not served a mission, regardless of whether or not they intend to.
Please do not misunderstand to think that the point of this article is to treat missionary service as a skeleton in the closet. The experiences of missionary service can be remembered, enjoyed, and shared... The point is that these experiences do not make a person superior to another who does not have them. Many times, relating a story about an experience during missionary service can convey the desired point without pontificating about the fact that it may have occurred during missionary service.
Instead of "on my mission, I talked to a person who..." why not say "I once talked to a person who..."? Is it necessary to announce to everyone (especially in an Elders Quorum or Relief Society meeting) that you served a mission? And if you are married, who exactly are you trying to impress by touting your accomplishments?
Ultimately, almost every full time missionary comes to the conclusion that the decisions they made as a 19-21 year old may not always have been the right ones... and that while a full-time mission can offer tremendous opportunity to learn and improve... ultimately, we are all beggars before God (Mosiah 4:19).
A mission should probably not be used as a trumpet announcing good deeds (Matthew 6:2)... and a person's good deeds should not be limited to a time when they served a full time mission. In the end, no amount of accomplishment will hold a candle to the triumph of our Lord Jesus Christ over sin and death... and that is the accomplishment of which all Christians should be most anxious to share.
