How NOT to teach from conference talks

For the past several years, teaching in Melchizedek Priesthood quorums and Relief Society in Sunday meetings have focused on the teachings of former presidents of the church.

This coming year, these meetings will focus on the teachings of living prophets and apostles.  This announcement is both exciting and terrifying.

Exciting because members of the church frequently take for granted that we enjoy the counsel of prophets and apostles who are guided by Jesus Christ.  There have been times when only a small family such as that of Noah or of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob enjoyed this type of guidance.  In the days of Moses, or during the reign of the Kings of Judah and Israel, a small nation had access to prophetic guidance.  The current availability of prophets to people around the globe is unprecedented, and frequently overlooked.  Emphasis on these inspired messages in Sunday meetings provides an opportunity for those who attend to receive the servants of God.

Terrifying because many people have sat through "Teachings for our Times" lessons that focused on general conference talks that follow this tired formula:

1. The instructor gets a volunteer to read a paragraph from a talk
2. The instructor tells everyone that they like the paragraph
3. The instructor asks a question that can be answered by "read your scriptures, go to church, pray."
4. The instructor checks the clock, and unless it is at least 5 minutes passed when the class is supposed to end, they begin again at step 1

The new teaching materials for youth and now for Priesthood and Relief Society are titled "Teaching in the Savior's Way," and this focus is intended to do promote that.  Rather than have a structured lesson from a manual, the philosophy is meant to provide opportunity to counsel and instruct based on the needs of the individuals.  This format is intended to promote a more natural expression of truth, faith, and testimony, and less of a canned one-size-fits-all lesson.

This is exactly how Jesus taught.  To some people, he emphasized truths using dramatic comparisons such as the prodigal son and the good Samaritan.  To others, he spoke more abstractly, such as his message to Nicodemus about being born again (John 3), or his teachings about the need to seek the bread of life to those who were hoping Jesus would give them a free meal (John 6).  He spoke with impressive authority in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), and with patience for little children (Mark 10).  He knew how to handle those who were argumentative (Matthew 21:23-45), and those who needed help (Mark 2).

Jesus wanted people to think deeply about eternal truths.  His approach encouraged people to search the scriptures and the words of the prophets, and persuaded people to pray, even though he did not emphasize the use of questions like "what are some ways we can follow the prophets?" or "who has a personal experience about this principle that they would be willing to share?"  Though the words of prophets were fundamental to his message, he demonstrated their importance through application and demonstration rather than a shallow proclamation such as "I like what Isaiah said there."

For those who are assigned to teach in any capacity, I hope that this new focus encourages you to teach as Jesus did.  Let the words of the prophets and the guidance of the Holy Ghost help you to persuade bad men to become good... and good men to become better... "Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ." (Ephesians 4:13)

Who was Mormon?

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are frequently called "Mormons."

The nickname references our belief in the Book of Mormon.  Though there are many people that have preconceived notions about what the Book of Mormon is, the best way to learn what it says is by actually reading it. 

Of course, even among members of the church, the portions of the book that are most emphasized are not necessarily about the man Mormon, but about Nephi, Alma, Ammon, Helaman, Mosiah, Benjamin, or one of the other kings or prophets whose stories are recorded in the book.

Since members of the church are willing to be identified as "Mormons," it is unfortunate that there is only a small amount of emphasis on this incredible man.

Mormon was born into a time where society was collapsing.  To say that corruption existed is an understatement.  Preachers of religion were mocked and persecuted by society.  War and violence spread everywhere, and personal property was described as "slippery" because of the robbers that filled the land. (Mormon 1-2)

In this time of evil, a young man named Mormon was given instructions to find the records of his people.  When he had obtained these records, he spent a great amount of time making an abridgment of all the history of his society.  This abridgment is the Book of Mormon.

Certainly there are people within the church that would present the Book of Mormon as a beautiful book of scripture that shows the love and mercy of God.  To this point, there are numerous examples within the book that support this concept... however, a more accurate portrayal of the Book of Mormon is to see it from Mormon's perspective: it is a terrible tragedy.  It is a witness and a warning to those that read it.

In the process of finishing the Book of Mormon, the society in which Mormon lived became so consumed with anger and hatred that violence filled the land.  Still, he loved his people, so he reluctantly agreed to lead their armies.  Mormon knew that he was witnessing the destruction of his home and society, and rather than prolong the conflict, he arranged for a final battle.  Of the hundreds of thousands that had fought for him, only twenty four survived.  In the wake of this slaughter, the wounded Mormon could only mourn:

"O ye fair ones, how could ye have departed from the ways of the Lord! O ye fair ones, how could ye have rejected that Jesus, who stood with open arms to receive you! Behold, if ye had not done this, ye would not have fallen. But behold, ye are fallen, and I mourn your loss. O ye fair sons and daughters, ye fathers and mothers, ye husbands and wives, ye fair ones, how is it that ye could have fallen! But behold, ye are gone, and my sorrows cannot bring your return.

 "And the day soon cometh that your mortal must put on immortality, and these bodies which are now moldering in corruption must soon become incorruptible bodies; and then ye must stand before the judgment-seat of Christ, to be judged according to your works; and if it so be that ye are righteous, then are ye blessed with your fathers who have gone before you.

 "O that ye had repented before this great destruction had come upon you. But behold, ye are gone, and the Father, yea, the Eternal Father of heaven, knoweth your state; and he doeth with you -according to his justice and mercy." (Mormon 6:17-22)

Ultimately, only his son Moroni survived, as their enemies put to death everyone who believed in Jesus Christ.  (Moroni 1:2-3)

Adding to the tragedy was the fact that they had obtained records of a people that had inhabited the land previously, and that also destroyed themselves by driving faith, penitence, and the prophets that preached these principles, out of their society.  The fall of Mormon's people was worse because they should have known better.

Perhaps it seems odd, in light of the tragedies in Mormon's life, for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to promote the name as an identity.  Certainly, visits to the church-run website www.mormon.org do not immediately divulge these details about Mormon; instead, they promote a positive and optimistic outlook.

I do not wish to convey the idea that the LDS church is pessimistic, or that attitudes of doom and gloom prevail in our faith... quite the opposite in fact.  I do however wish to express that the optimism and hope that typifies our worship of Jesus Christ and our efforts to give service to others are given important context with the understanding of the man Mormon.

It is not an unreasonable assessment to say that we live in an age of corruption.  Violence and greed are found across the land, and there are some regions which seem to be in perpetual war.  Disease and disaster can be found in the news headlines nearly every day.  The message of Mormon is particularly applicable to us here and now.  The faith and penitence that could have saved his people are not beyond our reach.  The warnings of a people who should have known better provide tremendous opportunity for us to avoid their mistakes.

Mormon knew that his people had rejected Christ... but he invested a tremendous amount of time and work to ensure that future generations might know that Christ is the way to prevent the tragedy through which he suffered.

Who was Mormon?  Mormon was a man who did what was right regardless of his circumstances.  Mormon was a man who worked for the good of others, even when he knew he would not live to see the results of his work.  In short, Mormon was a Christian.  The world would be a better place if more of us could be like Mormon.

Agency and the freedom to choose

An important concept in Mormon theology is that we lived with God before we were born.  The implications of this idea include:

1. We are literal children of God

2. Men and women are brothers and sisters to one another

Loving God and our neighbors as ourselves as Christ taught (Matthew 22:37-39) is the natural extension of this idea, as is the importance of family.

It is also understood that during our pre-earth life, there was a great war between the followers of our Heavenly Father, and the followers of Lucifer.  (Revelation 12:7-9)  The source of this conflict involved the destiny of humanity.  Scripture from the Pearl of Great Price presents additional detail:

" And I, the Lord God, spake unto Moses, saying: That Satan, whom thou hast commanded in the name of mine Only Begotten, is the same which was from the beginning, and he came before me, saying—Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor. But, behold, my Beloved Son, which was my Beloved and Chosen from the beginning, said unto me—Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever. Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down; And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice." (Moses 4:1-4)

The concept of agency is something frequently taught in LDS lessons and talks.  The idea that people are "agents unto themselves" and that they are free to "act and not be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day" is fundamental to understanding the purpose of life on earth.  (Moses 6:56, 2 Nephi 2:26)

As important as the concept of free will is as identified in these passages, it is not the same as agency, even though they are frequently used synonymously.

I have at times heard people talk about using their agency to make choices about what kind of food they want to eat or what destination they prefer for vacation.  Certainly it is possible that some of these choices involve agency, but these choices do not really portray agency in the most important sense.

Before discussing the truth behind this concept, it is important to highlight the three great powers that influence the world:

* Humanity.  It is not difficult to see the amazing accomplishments of mankind in the age of information.  Powerful computer processors are available in devices as small as phones and watches that harness numerous technologies for tasks as simple as "liking" a cheeseburger.  Humanity has harnessed power from various sources and constructed great buildings, composed beautiful music, written moving books, and launched probes beyond our atmosphere to study the universe. Mankind has demonstrated great power...but in spite of our power, humanity is the weakest of the three.

* Satan.  Having accumulated experience from mankind's beginnings, the power of evil is adept at manipulating men.  Great societies have crumbled due to the persistent and patient efforts of those that love to see humanity fail.  In the shadows, he persuades people to secretly steal and murder sometimes without even knowing they are being persuaded.  Occasionally, he does risk using his full power.  Joseph Smith saw it when he prayed to God.  He noted "I was ready to sink into despair and abandon myself to destruction—not to an imaginary ruin, but to the power of some actual being from the unseen world, who had such marvelous power as I had never before felt in any being" (Joseph Smith History 1:16)  Only the power of God himself could free him from the powers of evil.  Humanity, by itself, is powerless against Satan.

* God.  The great achievements of humanity and the subtle machinations of evil are nothing compared to the power of the Most High.  He that forged the earth and became mortal only to conquer death represents the ultimate strength in existence.  He is omniscient, omnipotent, and his power is omnipresent.

By understanding these forces, it becomes clear that being an agent of oneself is extremely limited.  The real power of agency comes not from making trivial choices... but from becoming an agent of a higher power.

Becoming an agent of evil is actually quite easy.  People can do this without even realizing it.  The person that encourages dishonesty, turns a blind eye to cruelty, and practices selfishness can gain power.  Marriages and families can be destroyed when seemingly innocent indulgences and poor decisions win over selflessness and integrity.  Greed, lust, wrath, pride, envy, gluttony, and sloth do not encompass every ill...  Jesus taught "wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat" (Matthew 7:13)  Constant effort may be necessary to avoid becoming a destructive influence.  

Becoming an agent of God is simple, but not nearly as easy.  In the Book of Mormon, prophets counseled men to "come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness" and " if ye do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds, and observe the commandments of God, and continue in the faith of what ye have heard concerning the coming of our Lord, even unto the end of your lives, ye must perish. And now, O man, remember, and perish not." (Moroni 10:32, Mosiah 4:30)  Many prophets have indicated that it is a strait and narrow path that leads to God.  Christ was clear in declaring that the only way to our Heavenly Father was through him. (John 14:6)

Although the path is substantially more difficult, and the rewards are not always immediately visible, the true power that God intended for his sons and daughters comes from becoming the kind of person that Christ was.  If we are the children of God, then it is as the Apostle Paul noted: "if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together." (Romans 8:17)

Agency in the sense of becoming an agent of God himself, is the very purpose for which humanity is on the earth.  Agency is the slow process by which bad men can become good men, and good men can become better men.  Agency is the purpose of the conflict between good and evil.  Agency is the promise that Christ gives to the faithful... for "he came unto his own, but his own received him not.  But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name" (John 1:12)

The Condescension of God

The Christmas season is time of gift giving, a tradition that stems from the magi who traveled from the east and gave the Christ child gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  Contemporarily, children look under trees with anticipation of receiving games, toys, and sweets.  The true root of gift giving is a much older story however.  Before men were born; before the world was forged, there was another gift for which every child of God yearned, and our Heavenly Father wanted very much to give it to us. The gift is immortality and eternal life, but it is not a gift that is easily received.  In fact, almost no one was eligible to receive the greatest of all the gifts of God.  Our Heavenly Father called for the sacrifice of one that would be able to not only save himself, but to condescend below all things, that he might lift the sons of men above all things.  Jesus Christ stood and declared “Here am I… send me.”  As our Father accepted him as worthy and able, he became to us a God, the only hope of salvation, and the joy of mans’ desiring.

Even children have the benefit of Christmas traditions that teach at an early age the characters of the Nativity story.  We have known from our youth of Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men, and the Christ child… but what if we had not known?  What if we had to be taught these things without the benefit of Christmas symbols?  Nephi was a prophet that lived 600 years before the birth of Christ.  He did not have any holiday traditions when he was taught the Christmas story.  An angel of God showed him a vision and asked what he beheld.  He replied, “A virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins.”  The angel asked a profound question… “Knowest thou the condescension of God?”  Nephi replied, “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.”  The angel then showed him the virgin bearing a child in her arms.  With a single concise phrase, Nephi learned the true meaning of Christmas: “Behold, the condescension of God!”

Most people eagerly anticipate Christmas day, perhaps because of proximity to friends and loved ones, perhaps because of the hope of a chocolate-filled stocking, or something special underneath the tree.  The first Christmas was also anticipated greatly, but for other reasons.  The people in the promised land that believed in Jesus had been given that day as a deadline to justify their faith, and if the prophesied signs of Christ’s birth did not appear, they would be killed.  How anxious they must have been to see that their faith was not in vain.  But even as the wicked prepared to spill the blood of the righteous, the prayers of Christians reached the heavens.  When the sun set that night, the light did not wane away into the darkness of night.  In the very act of condescending, the light of the world saved those that had faith in him.

Christmas does not always bring tidings of comfort and joy.  Every year, people brave crowds at local retailers, and amid the pushing, shoving, and dirty looks, they seek meaningful gifts for loved ones.  Husbands scratch their heads and ask themselves "If I buy these shoes for her, do I also have to buy those earrings?"  Wives seek the assistance of unmotivated seasonal sales associates to ask "Do I need a nunchuck controller with the Legend of Zelda?"  It is not difficult to become so preoccupied with the hustle and bustle that Christ becomes disassociated with the majority of our Christmas season.  Perhaps it was the same hustle and bustle that caused innkeepers of Bethlehem to experience difficulty in finding room for a young expectant mother and her husband.  Perhaps they thought they were doing the best they could when they sent Mary to a pen of animals, it was tax season after all.  Whatever the reasons, when Mary gave birth to her son, she had only swaddling clothes in a stable to warm him.  When she laid him down, the trough where animals chewed hay was his bed.  While men of wealth and prestige sat in the company of peers, the King of Kings moved from a throne in the high heavens in the presence of our Heavenly Father, to a stable in the company of livestock.  Somehow, when everyone else was busy, the most High God descended down to the most humble place on Earth.

Even to the adults that understand the principles of electricity, and know the effort of stringing them up, there is a feeling of happiness that Christmas lights bring.  To children who do not understand these things, it is even more so.  It is not so much because understanding ruins things, but perhaps because innocence is so frequently accompanied by humility, which magnifies appreciation.  Even in ancient times it was so.  SPQR are the letters that every soldier's banner bore in the land to which Christ came.  Senatus Populusque Romanus... The senate and the people of Rome.  The empire was arguably the most powerful and prestigious that was ever on the earth, and it was filled with wise, powerful, strong, and wealthy people; and none more so than its emperor, Caesar Augustus.  However, it was not Caesar, or any of his appointed, or any philosophers or warriors to whom God sent word of his condescension.  Luke tells us that there were in the same country shepherds, keeping watch over their flock by night.  And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them.  And they were sore afraid.  And the angel said unto them, fear not, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior, which is Christ, the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you: ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

As commercial and cold as the retail experience of Christmas can be, the season also brings a renewed desire to help those in need.  Few experiences are as memorable as seeing the gratitude of someone receiving the very thing they require.  Perhaps there are those among us who have played the roles both of giver, and of recipient.  Called by some the true meaning of Christmas, it is in a truer sense the true meaning of Christianity.  Because he condescended below all men, he knows what it means to be hungry, to be hurt, to be fatigued.  He knows what it means to be lonely, and hated, and betrayed.  Is it any wonder he declared that "by this shall all men know that ye are my disciples: if ye have love one to another"?

There is a Christmas hymn in which a man sorrows that "Hate is strong, and mocks the song of peace on Earth, good will to men..."  He is answered by Christmas bells, that seem to say with faith and power "God is not dead, nor doth he sleep."  Two of the characters most forgotten in the old Christmas story are the two that knew that best.  Anna and Simeon saw no angel, they did not follow a new star in the east; instead they stayed at the temple.  They did not need the persuasion of fictional spirits of Christmas Past, Present, or Future; they followed the Spirit of God, and because of their faith, Christ came to them.  Two thousand years later, the same spirit that guided them pleads with us not to despair... for God is not dead, nor doth he sleep.  The Holy Spirit of God guides us, just as it did Anna and Simeon; and it brings the power of Jesus Christ across time to our hearts here and now: not just a story of a child in a manger, or a choir of angels in the fields near Bethlehem, but the power of his atoning sacrifice.  And it is the faith, penitence, and humility of men that give purpose to his sacrifice... for it is only with our consent that we can be redeemed.  My brothers and sisters... especially during this time when we celebrate the coming of Christ... let us be as Anna and Simeon and follow the guidance of his Holy Spirit.  Let our penitence give cause to his sacrifice.  Let us do all things that we might have the gift for which we sought in that grand council before the world was: the gift of eternal life!  Oh come all ye faithful... joyful and triumphant...  Oh come let us adore him!  Come and behold him: born the King of Angels!  Come and celebrate the condescension of God!

Better Questions, Great Discussions

In the August 2013 issue of the Ensign, the LDS magazine, there was an article titled "Great Questions, Great Discussions" by Jack Lyon.

Normally, I do not get really excited about how-to sorts of articles, but the quality of teaching is a subject for which I have passion.  While some of the items that were discussed hit the nail on the head, others were disappointing or even incorrect.

From the article:
"“Who were the first two people on earth?” is an ineffective question because the answer is so obvious that no one wants to respond—or sees a need to.

“What is the most important principle of the gospel?” is also an ineffective question. No one knows the answer the teacher is looking for except the teacher, who is essentially saying, “Guess what I’m thinking.”"

While the first question is an excellent example of an ineffective question, I immediately had to take issue with the second example.  "What is the most important principle of the gospel?" is not an ineffective question... the way that the teacher handled the question, or the intent behind it was ineffective.

It would be completely appropriate for a teacher to ask students what they feel is the most important principle of the gospel, as long as they understood that a case can be made for many different principles.  It also becomes the responsibility of a teacher that uses these questions to ensure that discussion and the expression of opinion does not devolve into contention, and that student contributions should be valued as much as possible.  A student that answers with "faith" can probably present a strong case for so answering.  A good discussion on how vital faith is could ensue.  On the other hand, a student that answers "repentance" can present a very strong case for how important repentance is.  Neither one of the students needs to be wrong.

On the other hand, if a teacher is attempting to present a lesson of faith, they may want to restrict open ended questions to that subject.  A question can be effective in some cases and ineffective in others.

The article uses faith as the assigned topic as it suggests the following:
"If you want the class to have a discussion about something specific like faith, consider saying something like this: “Today we’ll be talking about faith, the first principle of the gospel.” Then ask a question about faith that doesn’t have a specific answer:

1. “What part has faith played in your life?”
2. “Why do you think the Lord wants us to have faith?”
3. “What are some ways we can increase our faith?”"

Unfortunately, only one out of the three suggestions is actually a good question.  Below is an analysis of each one.

1. "What part has faith played in your life?"

Asking what part faith has played in the lives of students is asking for one of the following:
    - the student that loves to pontificate going on about their lives
    - the student that begins weeping to the point that anything they say is unintelligible
    - the student that gives a valid example, followed by three other students that give similar examples
    - the student that uses redundant statements to make a thirty-second comment become a fifteen-minute ordeal

Personal experiences may be appropriate for a class... but if people making unprepared statements is superior to the material that the teacher is presenting after having prepared, the teacher needs to improve.  When personal stories become the backbone of the lesson, there is little gospel teaching that occurs.

2. "Why do you think the Lord wants us to have faith?"

This is actually an excellent question.  Encouraging thoughtful pondering about gospel topics is a fundamental responsibility of a gospel instructor.  Naturally, if the instructor has a preconceived "right" answer in mind, then the question becomes ineffective.

3. "What are some ways we can increase our faith?"

This is a terrible question.  Any question that can be answered by "read your scriptures, go to church, and pray" is a bad idea.  What are the odds that a student will hear an answer to this like "prayer can increase faith" and then think to themselves "Wow!  I had not previously considered that prayer might increase my faith.  This answer has completely changed my outlook on life, and I will always ensure that I pray every day from now till the end of time..."?  Not good.

Everyone attending a Gospel Doctrine class should have enough of an understanding of Gospel principles to know that reading scriptures, prayer, church attendance, and other "Sunday School" answers apply.  This type of question is just like the first "bad" example the author gave at the beginning: “Who were the first two people on earth?” is an ineffective question because the answer is so obvious that no one wants to respond—or sees a need to."


The article goes on to talk about the importance of using the scriptures.  This is spot-on:
"Although the manual should be used to prepare the lesson and is a great source of open-ended questions, the scriptures should remain the primary focus of our teaching and learning."

I would suggest this implies that the backbone of the lesson should never be personal experiences.  They can be present, but they are not a substitute for canon.

The article then discusses staying focused:
"There is a challenge in having a lot of classroom discussion: it’s easy for the discussion to get off track. It’s important that you prepare your lesson well so that you know where you want it to go and so that you’re ready, if necessary, to bring the class back to the main topic of discussion. Usually all you need to provide is a little guidance: “That’s interesting, but I think we’re a little off track. Let’s get back to our discussion of faith now.”"

While getting focus back is important, the statement that is suggested seems like it could be offensive... (and I am not one to shy away from abrasive statements).  Essentially it comes of as "what you said was irrelevant..."

Perhaps more effective would be to (as politely as possible) interrupt the student that is trailing off with a question that asks "so are you saying that..." and then say something that ties into your lesson.  If they confirm it, you can immediately move on having regained control.  If they indicate that was not their intention, ask them to explain (as politely as possible) how their comment relates to the subject.  It is possible that the student was saying something relevant, and that they may not have realized that others were missing a connection that they saw.

Additionally... always remember to thank students for contributions.

Finally, the article went back to discussing personal stories.  As I previously mentioned, there is a place for this, but it ought not be the core of any gospel doctrine lesson...  The heart of every lesson ought to be the doctrine of Jesus Christ.

After teaching the Nephites about faith, penitence, humility, baptism, and the Holy Ghost, he declared the following:
"Verily, verily, I say unto you, that this is my doctrine, and whoso buildeth upon this buildeth upon my rock, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against them. And whoso shall declare more or less than this, and establish it for my doctrine, the same cometh of evil, and is not built upon my rock; but he buildeth upon a sandy foundation, and the gates of hell stand open to receive such when the floods come and the winds beat upon them. Therefore, go forth unto this people, and declare the words which I have spoken, unto the ends of the earth." (3 Nephi 11:39-41, emphasis added)

Ultimately, the goal of a teacher is not to talk about their mission, their family, or the missions and families of their students... it is to reiterate the importance of Christian principles that have the power to make bad men good, and good men better.  Discussion about triviality or mediocre questions ought to give way to meaningful discussion about the power of Christ himself.  Though there are many topics that can occupy time for 45 minutes, discussions that bring classes closer to Jesus will continue to be important to those involved when the 45 minutes have expired.

"...on my mission..." - why women should avoid using the mating call of 21 year old Mormon men...

Every young man in the LDS church knows there is an expectation... a commandment even... to prepare and serve a two-year mission.  Church leaders frequently explain how important it is to share the gospel with everyone, and how substantial the opportunities are for learning and gaining experience through missionary service.

In some areas, the importance of this service translated into grand and glorious farewells and homecomings to honor those that had given such service.  Such displays certainly contribute to generating interest in missionary service, but not always in positive ways.

Additionally, leaders of LDS young women frequently encourage the attitude that they ought to seek out a spouse that is a returned missionary.  Nearly every time a young woman in LDS meetings or activities described the qualities and accomplishments of their "ideal" husband, returned missionary was among them.

For all the difficulties that men may have when it comes to listening, this fact is known by all men that serve as missionaries.  When these young men return home, particularly those with limited dating abilities will fall back to this memory, and any conversation in which they participate will recall a story or experience from their mission that will allow them to spread the word that they are a returned missionary.

In some cases, these efforts can help make girls that would otherwise been unavailable open enough to present a dating opportunity.  In cases where the area is already saturated with returned missionaries, the value of completing such service, while still something, is substantially less valuable to women.

At some point after missionary service, whether successful or not in using the "on my mission" mating call, men tend to realize that the glorious return where people lined up to shake their hand is fleeting, and it is important to build new experiences and accomplishments in employment, education, and religious service, just like everyone else.

While young men are told in the form of a commandment that they should prepare and serve a mission, young women are offered this service opportunity as an option.  For some of these sisters, missionary service becomes appealing only when there are no imminent marriage prospects, while for others, it is appealing regardless.  Sisters from both of these categories can achieve success in missionary efforts.

When service concludes for sister missionaries, many of them seem to fall into the same pattern as returned Elders.  Every conversation and every comment they offer in church includes the male mating call "...on my mission..." along with some anecdote or experience.

Of course, almost no men have "returned missionary" on their list of required achievements and accomplishments when seeking a wife.  Additionally, since numerous men in the LDS church have served missions, they know that missionary service does not guarantee that a person is kind, honest, intelligent, or even that they have good communication skills.  Returned missionaries know that they themselves, regardless of their intentions, made numerous mistakes. 

Additionally, most men do not look for a woman that has a good resume or an impressive list of accomplishments.  They want someone that is attractive and will agree with them about things they will not compromise (such as religious truths, political views, whether it's ok to eat steak, and the belief that investing some time in the Legend of Zelda is a good thing).  Missionary experience does not make a woman more appealing.  If women intend it as a mating call of their own, it is a poor choice.

For some people, the phrase "...on my mission..." causes negative feelings.  Although missionary service is an option for women, those that persist in relating everything to an experience they had on their mission can cause women who made choices beside full-time missionary service to feel regret, guilt, or inferiority.  Particularly for women who were married and started families, there are already enough voices in society telling them that motherhood is not as valuable as careers or other accomplishments... Members of the church ought to avoid guilt tripping women for making correct choices.

Some might respond to this assertion by asking why it would be acceptable for men to talk about their missions and not women.  I suggest that men also need to temper the degree with which they use "...on my mission..."  Of course since there are so many LDS single women who are determined to marry a returned missionary, a single man may feel the need to communicate that they meet this requirement.  That having been said, people ought to see it for what it is: a mating call... and all mating calls are meant to be declarations of superiority.

In other words, a person that says "...on my mission, I [accomplished feat]..." is really saying "consider me to be a superior choice for romantic commitment because I [served a mission]..."  Even if the return missionary is female, anyone that frequently refers to their mission comes off as though they are claiming superiority to those who have not served a mission, regardless of whether or not they intend to.

Please do not misunderstand to think that the point of this article is to treat missionary service as a skeleton in the closet.  The experiences of missionary service can be remembered, enjoyed, and shared...  The point is that these experiences do not make a person superior to another who does not have them.  Many times, relating a story about an experience during missionary service can convey the desired point without pontificating about the fact that it may have occurred during missionary service.

Instead of "on my mission, I talked to a person who..." why not say "I once talked to a person who..."?  Is it necessary to announce to everyone (especially in an Elders Quorum or Relief Society meeting) that you served a mission?  And if you are married, who exactly are you trying to impress by touting your accomplishments?

Ultimately, almost every full time missionary comes to the conclusion that the decisions they made as a 19-21 year old may not always have been the right ones... and that while a full-time mission can offer tremendous opportunity to learn and improve... ultimately, we are all beggars before God (Mosiah 4:19). 

A mission should probably not be used as a trumpet announcing good deeds (Matthew 6:2)... and a person's good deeds should not be limited to a time when they served a full time mission.  In the end, no amount of accomplishment will hold a candle to the triumph of our Lord Jesus Christ over sin and death... and that is the accomplishment of which all Christians should be most anxious to share.