(Matthew 25:31-46)
<Satire>
Bleaty McBleat, a goat, was surprised to find himself isolated from all of his sheep friends on the day of judgment. Bleaty was placed on the left hand of the King, along with all the other goats.
As the King was praising the sheep on his right hand for the good that they had done for others, including feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and visiting the sick, Bleaty explained that he would be joining the sheep very soon.
"You see," said Bleaty. "I'm a Democratic Socialist. I voted for politicians to take money from people more wealthy than me, and put it in programs to help the hungry, the naked, and the sick. That means I probably deserve to be rewarded even more than those sheep... many of whom voted for greedy capitalists!"
A quick glance at the Book of Life did confirm that Bleaty voted for Democratic Socialists, and spent long hours calling anyone who did not subscribe to his political philosophy "racist, bigoted, and greedy" in the hopes that they would be inspired to stop giving their money to charities, and start giving it to politicians who promised "social justice."
"No, I don't think it's ironic that I bought new iPads every year and drank expensive coffee every day," explained Bleaty. "Those purchases aren't real capitalism because I used them to help me own the cons... which I do because I care about the poor."
As the King turned to the goats and began enumerating the opportunities to help people that they had squandered, Bleaty wore a confident smile. After all, as soon as he explained that he could not help those who were in need around him because he was attacking those who did not agree with him, Bleaty was sure that the King would see the mistake in his final judgment.
</Satire>
