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Exmo Spent 37 Years in Numerous Callings Without Learning Nephi Killed Laban
"How could they have hid this from me!" lamented Frank Lisk. Frank considered himself a faithful Latter-day Saint for 37 years, holding callings including Sunday School Secretary, Second Counselor in the Elders Quorum Presidency, Activities Committee Member, and Assistant Executive Secretary.
"I came to church every Sunday since I was a kid!" explained Frank. "The only possibility is that the church was hiding the truth from me!"
Frank also asserted that his previously secret addiction to furry pornography has nothing to do with his exodus from the faith of his fathers.
"It's the dishonesty and the hiding that really bothers me," continued Frank. "That's why I scream apricots don't produce popcorn while maintaining the court-ordered minimum distance between me and the local elementary school... It's because I care about children... and their pets..."
</satire>
