Satire: Some People Are Sensitive About Being Called Racist Evil Bigots Every Other Week For Years

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Some People Are Sensitive About Being Called Racist Evil Bigots Every Other Week For Years

by Baker L.

I can't believe how sensitive some people get over little things...  I mean, I had a falling out with a couple of guys, a few years back, no big deal, right?  It's the internet, things get misunderstood, you go back and forth with some banter, no problem, right?

And I did the logical thing... a measured response... which was to go after anyone who had ever associated with them, and to call them evil racist hateful bigots who deserve to lose their livelihoods.

Just because I enthusiastically cheered when moms and dads lost their jobs and were attacked by people who threatened them with physical harm doesn't mean they have to be upset...  Touchy!

And after all of these people generally quieted down, relegated to hidden corners of the internet with almost no exposure, I spent every couple of weeks for the next couple of years calling them racist evil bigots who got what they deserved.  And sure, maybe I said some things that weren't true about some of them most of them almost any of them, I don't know why they're so upset...

Anyway, if you see any of these sensitive types saying "that's not true" or "why do you keep misrepresenting us?" just remember that I'm the one trying to establish love and kindness, and they are evil racist bigots who deserve whatever bad things happen to them.

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Satire: "Conservative Mormons are white nationalists" accuses white leftist who wants to nationalize education, healthcare, and income distribution

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"Those conservative Mormons are nothing but white nationalists!" screeched Devin Frank as he adjusted his new Che Guevara t-shirt.  "They are all white, and they're led by old white men!  Plus, their Book of Mormon is obviously just American nationalism!"

Devin, a 26-year-old white graduate of Brigham Young University, articulated his concerns about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with our reporting team yesterday.

"It makes me sick to think that I was ever associated with an institution that is filled with white nationalists, particularly in today's political climate!" exclaimed Devin before guzzling a full mug of coffee.  "What we really need in America is socialism!"

Devin went on to explain how the top 1% of income earners had far too much power, and how many leaders in the church were a part of this 1%, and injected their religious standards into public policy.

"And a guy like me only makes $33,000 a year, I don't have a chance against the top 1%," continued Devin.

When confronted with the fact that this puts him in the top 1% of income earners worldwide, Devin clarified his position:

"Well, obviously I'm just talking about in our nation... not the whole world...  Plus, that's where the real policy makers can make the most difference!"

Devin continued (unironically) to explain how nationalized health care, nationalized education, and nationalized income distribution, governed by white politicians, was not white nationalism. 

"Real white nationalism is anyone I disagree with!" said Devin.  "Especially Mormons!"

Our reporting team was asked to leave Devin's mother's basement when following up with the fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is an international church with more members outside the United States than inside.

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