Satire: Let's talk about Children in the LDS Church

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By Dr. Julie Hanks

Previously, I posted about women in the LDS church on Facebook.  I opened by reminding everyone that my views are often misrepresented as men vs. women.  I then thoroughly refuted that by contrasting how we look at men vs. how we look at women.  Fortunately, most of my followers were able to ignore the thick envy that guided my post... so I decided to make a followup post about children in the LDS church along the same lines.

First off, (in case you were wondering) I'm still going to avoid referring to the church by its official name, while reminding you to be sensitive to the language you use... because, President Nelson was only a heart surgeon; I'm the therapist!

Second, I notice that there are few children represented in General Conference talks.  In fact, it is incredibly rare to see anyone younger than 30 speak.  Is it because of our subconscious hatred of children?  You might not think so, but yes, it definitely is.

I also have noticed how few children are in decision making councils in the church.  Sure, leaders say they love children, but unless you let some one make all policy decisions for you, do you actually love them?

Along the same lines, I want to encourage church leaders to do more of what I want... because that's the sign of a church led by God.

As a church, we can do more!  We can do better!  Because while members of the church try to follow Christ and his Apostles today, together, we can inspire them to follow social media influencers instead. (Remember to like and share this post!)

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Satire: Missionaries From Secretive Church Slip Up - Admit Joseph Smith saw God, leave copy of the Book of Mormon

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Earlier this afternoon, a pair of missionaries representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knocked on the door of Provo skeptic Ben Robert Ottley.  Knowing that these missionaries were likely keeping secrets about their enigmatic faith, Ben invited the Elders into his living room.

"I was totally shocked!" reported Ben.  "I always heard that Mormons keep secrets about their church, even from their members... you know... just giving people the easy-to-digest bits and covering up their really bold claims... but these dudes must have missed that memo!"

Apparently, Elder Smith openly claimed that Joseph Smith was a literal prophet who saw God and even translated a book of ancient scripture called The Book of Mormon.  The missionaries did not seem to care that Ben's roommates were in the back, and could have easily overheard these audacious claims.

"Not only did they totally share the boldest teachings of their religion," continued Ben.  "But they also left me a copy of their book... you know... the Book of Mormon.  And get this... they asked me to read it!"

Elder Jones explained that he should not just take the word of the missionaries that their message about prophets of Christ was true, but that he should pray for himself, promising that God would help him to know the truth.

"I thought they were supposed to keep all that stuff secret!" laughed Ben.  "Well, joke's on them... I'm going to read through that book this week!  Bet they'll be sorry then!"

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Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 35 - Let's covet some nice gifts!

This week, the Come Follow Me curriculum brings us to 1 Cor 8-13.  We focus on the various roles and gifts people have, and that we should covet the best spiritual gifts.  Study with me!

Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-35-lets-covet-some-nice-gifts


Youtube:

Satire: Heartwarming - Lonely man who turned against his church finds genuine connection with porn video

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Evan was about twenty years old when he decided to turn his back on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  He said that it was really hard to leave an organization that invested heavily in his growth and development including fun activities including delicious meals, camping excursions, spiritual instruction, and leaders that volunteered their own time and resources to help him.

"I was really lonely after I told them that I refused to be brainwashed into their cult," explains Evan.  "I've gone through a lot of depression, and sometimes, it seemed like I couldn't drink enough to dull the pain..."

That's when a miracle happened for Evan.  He found a new porn video on his computer!

"Yeah, it's totally different than the ones I was watching last week!" exclaims Evan.  "I feel a real connection to the star, even though I don't know her real name, or anything about her life, and there's no chance of actually meeting her, let alone having a conversation with her."

Evan explained that, unlike the stars of the other videos, he is actually in love... and with so much anger, aggression, and apathy on social media, it's nice to see genuine affection for a change!

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Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 34 - Paul said what about marriage?!

This week the Come Follow Me curriculum brings us to 1 Corinthians 1-7.  Paul teaches some important truths about contention, about the divine nature of our bodies... and then gives some surprising counsel about marriage.  Study with me!

Soundcloud:
https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-34-paul-said-what-about-marriage


Youtube:

Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 33 - Joint-Heirs with Christ

This week, Come Follow Me wraps up the book of Romans.  Paul talks about elections and foreknowledge, leading to the question "is free will real?"  Also, what is meant by being Joint-Heirs with Christ.  Study with me!

Soundcloud:

https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-33-joint-heirs-with-christ

Youtube:

Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 32 - Is grace truly a "free gift?"

The Come Follow Me curriculum brings us to Romans 1-6.  We dive into Paul's counsel about human nature, being servants of sin or righteousness, and what is meant by grace being a "free gift."  Study with me!

SoundCloud:

https://soundcloud.com/user-961318159/ward-preacher-podcast-ep-32-is-grace-truly-a-free-gift

Youtube: