As a parent, I try to encourage honesty in my children. Voluntary confession of wrongdoing generally wins leniency in matters of discipline, whereas dishonesty or concealment results in the loss of more privileges. Many parents implement similar policies to encourage honesty and communication with their children.
As much as parents may value honesty in their children, the standard is somewhat relaxed in other situations.
Many people are familiar with the scenario of a larger woman showing her outfit to her boyfriend and asking the question "does this make me look fat?" Of course, what would the point of that question be since a "no" is expected whether it is honest or not.
On the other side of the coin, men seem comfortable increasing the length and weight of the fish that they caught on their last fishing trip, particularly when describing them to people they want to impress, or with whom they want to compete.
In societies where marriage is not arranged, both men and women become frustrated with one another over the dishonesty that seems inherent in the dating process. I have spoken to women who express frustration when men promise to contact them for future romantic excursions when they have no intention of fulfilling such commitments. I have personally experienced frustration when, while single, I worked up the nerve to ask a girl out, and was informed that while she "really wanted to" that she had scheduling conflicts due to "important" tasks such as "being busy." I can empathize with those that are told after a couple of dates that the person in whom they have interest is "not ready for a relationship" only to see them engaged to someone else a short time later.
Ultimately, the motivation that causes otherwise honest individuals to lie is typically compassion. The person wanting to avoid the date does not want to be or seem hurtful, so their fictitious schedule becomes quickly packed. The boyfriend wants his girlfriend to feel appreciated, or at minimum to continue being his girlfriend in spite of a dress of incorrect size. The man who caught a fish "as big as him" probably seeks respect from individuals for whom he feels respect.
The number of scenarios where "white lies" or "fibs" are better than the truth seems to increase all the time. Please don't misunderstand, I am by no means advocating the cruel flavor of honesty that prevails due to the anonymity of the internet. There, while people feel free to spout the filthiest and mot hurtful slurs, curses, or threats under the guise of "guest" on the forum or the mask of username "kingofhell1432" in a chat room, human decency is lost. Increasingly, even without anonymity on sites such as Facebook or Twitter, people honestly express the most vulgar or hateful sentiments, and do not seem to worry about the feelings of others.
The truth is that honesty and compassion do not need to be enemies as much as we make them. God finds value in all of his sons and daughters. There is no person, however vile, disagreeable, or awkward they may seem, that Christ excluded from his infinite sacrifice.
More to the point, does the boyfriend need to like every dress for him to express that the girlfriend is beautiful? Does the man need to exaggerate the size of his catch to express that he values the respect of his peers?
That having been said, if honesty and compassion are at odds, the correct choice is honesty. I certainly would have appreciated being told by girls that "would love to go out" but were "busy that day" actually meant "not interested in going out any day" if for no other reason than not to have to work up the nerve to call them again. While it is not great to be undesirable, the feeling of having wasted a lot of time and effort needlessly
combined with feeling undesirable is worse.
To say that God is similarly concerned with truth is an understatement. Truth is so important to Christ that he assumes it as part of his
identity: "I am the way, the
truth, and the life..." (John 14:6) Additionally, John states: "Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word,
then are ye my disciples indeed;
And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:31-32)
There were times when Jesus stood up for what was right and true. He was perfectly honest when he exposed the money changers at the temple as making his Father's house a "den of thieves." (Matthew 21:13) Jesus also knew when to avoid answering questions to maintain his honesty. (Matthew 21:23-27)
God's hope is that his children will come to value honesty as he does. It is for this reason that he asks questions to which he already knows the answers. Consider the example of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden:
"And they heard the voice of the
Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the
Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. And the
Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where
art thou?
And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I
was naked; and I hid myself.
And he said, Who told thee that thou
wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?
And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest
to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.
And the
Lord God said unto the woman, What
is this
that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat." (Genesis 3:8-13)
Of course, God already knew where Adam was, what he had done, and why he had done it... but he asked anyway. Both Adam and Eve responded truthfully, and while the consequences of their actions have had lasting impact, God obviously valued their family, as he was willing to sacrifice his only begotten son to provide an opportunity to save them. (John 3:16) He provided Adam and Eve opportunities to be honest in asking these questions.
A culture that values honesty is a culture that values the truth. As a Christian, I believe the truth, ultimately, is not a cold and harsh thing. The truth is that we are children of God, and that he loves us. The truth is that the difficulties of mortality are temporary, and that adherence to principles of the Gospel bring lasting happiness. Jesus Christ does want us to be honest, and he proved it is possible to be compassionate while doing it. In the end, it is just as he said... "if ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
