This week, our Come Follow Me curriculum brings us to Genesis 12-17 and Abraham 1-2. We talk about the world in the bronze age, the lie that wasn't, and the Abrahamic covenant. Study with me!
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Showing posts with label #honesty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #honesty. Show all posts
Sunday, February 6, 2022
Sunday, January 26, 2020
Ward Preacher Podcast Ep 57 - Handling Hard Truths
This week in our Come Follow Me curriculum we study 1 Nephi 16-22. We discuss handling uncomfortable truths, and how much we should worry about the Chaldeans. Study with me!
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Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Authenticity and social media
I enjoy using social media. I regularly check Facebook, and although I rarely tweet anything, I follow a number of individuals and personalities on Twitter. There are a number of blogs I regularly read. Of course, as wonderful as some sources of news and information can be on the internet, I know enough to avoid some of the dark corners where the ugliness of humanity is on display...
Perhaps the experience of seeing how cruel people can be in the comments below videos and news articles made something I read from Elder Quentin L Cook's Facebook shocking to me. He said this:
On the other hand... Quentin L Cook is a prominent religious leader. He can't be advocating the kind of comments on YouTube that use the F-bomb in every part of speech except an article and a pronoun... can he? The invitation to authenticity can't mean an invitation to express hatred and vitriol from the comfort of the computer desk... right? He's not excusing people harassing one another because they authentically want to... Of course not.
The point is "we tend to broadcast the smiling details of our lives but not the hard times at school or work."
So to apply this, imagine an individual is having a difficult day at work. Because they are short-handed, this person is required to do more work than normal, but still has pressure to appear positive when dealing with impatient and unhappy customers. Under this pressure, the person makes a small mistake, and the supervisor has to come and assist in correcting it. The supervisor has a frustrated tone as they remind the person of the correct procedure, adding to the frustration of the day. After the workday is over, they come home to their computer and go to Facebook. Here they see advice telling them to "be authentic" in the use of social media, and not just "broadcast the smiling details" of life. They decide to write a big status indicating that their boss is a jerk for overworking them without increasing their pay, and that they were a jerk for handling a minor mistake. Unfortunately for this individual, they have forgotten that their boss followed them on Facebook. The boss posts a scathing reply and indicating how much pressure they were under, and how costly their mistake was. The individual is then invited to turn in their supplies and find another job.
While I don't personally know anyone who has dealt with it to that extreme, I do know people that have experienced negative consequences for using what seemed to be authenticity regarding their employment or schooling.
Not only online, but in many situations, religious standards ask disciples not to be true to themselves, but rather to discipline themselves. Consider the words of Alma to his son Corianton:
The goal behind every Christian faith should always be to make bad men good, and to make good men better... not to make men comfortable with how they currently are.
So how do the two ideas become reconciled?
The answer involves understanding the link between what Elder Cook described as "authenticity" and the word honesty.
The same dilemma is sometimes mocked in social media posts where a girlfriend approaches her boyfriend in some unflattering outfit and asks if it makes her look "fat." If he answers honestly, even if he is as polite as he can be, the girlfriend takes offense. If he tells her that it does not, he is being dishonest. And anymore, if he dodges the question, the girlfriend takes it as a yes, and takes offense. How does a person be "authentic" while still "denying himself"? How can a person be honest and kind?
Let me suggest that the request to be authentic is not a suggestion to air dirty laundry. It's not to "vent" or "lash out" or be "passive aggressive" toward people that seem irritating. When prophets and scriptures counsel men to be honest, they do not mean to be cruel. Latter Day Saints, as all Christians, ought to embrace that which is "virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy." (Art of Faith 1:13) The invitation to be authentic does not mean to become cynical or pessimistic
either.
Being authentic means attempting to avoid hypocrisy. Practicing what we preach is vital to religious worship. In other words... continue to broadcast the smiling details of your life AND make sure you smile in life. Make a smiley-face emoji, but also try to make your face smile.
Being authentic also applies to how you treat others. If you have "friends" online... try and be actually friendly to them. If you disagree with someone, be civil, and resist the urge to stir up contention.
Don't pretend to be happy... become happy. Don't pretend to have faith... exercise faith. Don't pretend to be better than you are... but in a deliberate, diligent, and authentic manner, and in social media as well as every other aspect of life... become like Christ. Because Christ was the ultimate example of being the best.
Perhaps the experience of seeing how cruel people can be in the comments below videos and news articles made something I read from Elder Quentin L Cook's Facebook shocking to me. He said this:
Elder David A. Bednar recently cautioned members to be authentic in the use of social media. A prominent thought leader, Arthur C. Brooks, has emphasized this point. He observes that when using social media, we tend to broadcast the smiling details of our lives but not the hard times at school or work. We portray an incomplete life—sometimes in a self-aggrandizing or fake way. We share this life, and then we consume the “almost exclusively … fake lives of [our] social media ‘friends.’” Brooks asserts, “How could it not make you feel worse to spend part of your time pretending to be happier than you are, and the other part of your time seeing how much happier others seem to be than you?”At first glance, it almost seemed like he was advocating using social media to whine. Don't try to be positive... be yourself... right? And if you are authentically a disagreeable individual who derives pleasure from provocation, then don't pretend to be nice, because that's not authentic. If you are the type of individual who secretly indulges in graphic depictions of sex and/or violence, then don't pretend you are only online to read the Bible... right? Be true to yourself. Be authentic. Right?
On the other hand... Quentin L Cook is a prominent religious leader. He can't be advocating the kind of comments on YouTube that use the F-bomb in every part of speech except an article and a pronoun... can he? The invitation to authenticity can't mean an invitation to express hatred and vitriol from the comfort of the computer desk... right? He's not excusing people harassing one another because they authentically want to... Of course not.
The point is "we tend to broadcast the smiling details of our lives but not the hard times at school or work."
So to apply this, imagine an individual is having a difficult day at work. Because they are short-handed, this person is required to do more work than normal, but still has pressure to appear positive when dealing with impatient and unhappy customers. Under this pressure, the person makes a small mistake, and the supervisor has to come and assist in correcting it. The supervisor has a frustrated tone as they remind the person of the correct procedure, adding to the frustration of the day. After the workday is over, they come home to their computer and go to Facebook. Here they see advice telling them to "be authentic" in the use of social media, and not just "broadcast the smiling details" of life. They decide to write a big status indicating that their boss is a jerk for overworking them without increasing their pay, and that they were a jerk for handling a minor mistake. Unfortunately for this individual, they have forgotten that their boss followed them on Facebook. The boss posts a scathing reply and indicating how much pressure they were under, and how costly their mistake was. The individual is then invited to turn in their supplies and find another job.
While I don't personally know anyone who has dealt with it to that extreme, I do know people that have experienced negative consequences for using what seemed to be authenticity regarding their employment or schooling.
Not only online, but in many situations, religious standards ask disciples not to be true to themselves, but rather to discipline themselves. Consider the words of Alma to his son Corianton:
Now my son, I would that ye should repent and forsake your sins, and go no more after the lusts of your eyes, but cross yourself in all these things; for except ye do this ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God. Oh, remember, and take it upon you, and cross yourself in these things. (Alma 39:9)Consider also the words in the book of Matthew:
Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. (Matthew 16:24-25)
The goal behind every Christian faith should always be to make bad men good, and to make good men better... not to make men comfortable with how they currently are.
So how do the two ideas become reconciled?
The answer involves understanding the link between what Elder Cook described as "authenticity" and the word honesty.
The same dilemma is sometimes mocked in social media posts where a girlfriend approaches her boyfriend in some unflattering outfit and asks if it makes her look "fat." If he answers honestly, even if he is as polite as he can be, the girlfriend takes offense. If he tells her that it does not, he is being dishonest. And anymore, if he dodges the question, the girlfriend takes it as a yes, and takes offense. How does a person be "authentic" while still "denying himself"? How can a person be honest and kind?
Let me suggest that the request to be authentic is not a suggestion to air dirty laundry. It's not to "vent" or "lash out" or be "passive aggressive" toward people that seem irritating. When prophets and scriptures counsel men to be honest, they do not mean to be cruel. Latter Day Saints, as all Christians, ought to embrace that which is "virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy." (Art of Faith 1:13) The invitation to be authentic does not mean to become cynical or pessimistic
either.
Being authentic means attempting to avoid hypocrisy. Practicing what we preach is vital to religious worship. In other words... continue to broadcast the smiling details of your life AND make sure you smile in life. Make a smiley-face emoji, but also try to make your face smile.
Being authentic also applies to how you treat others. If you have "friends" online... try and be actually friendly to them. If you disagree with someone, be civil, and resist the urge to stir up contention.
Don't pretend to be happy... become happy. Don't pretend to have faith... exercise faith. Don't pretend to be better than you are... but in a deliberate, diligent, and authentic manner, and in social media as well as every other aspect of life... become like Christ. Because Christ was the ultimate example of being the best.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Honestly, you don't want me to be honest...
As a parent, I try to encourage honesty in my children. Voluntary confession of wrongdoing generally wins leniency in matters of discipline, whereas dishonesty or concealment results in the loss of more privileges. Many parents implement similar policies to encourage honesty and communication with their children.
As much as parents may value honesty in their children, the standard is somewhat relaxed in other situations.
Many people are familiar with the scenario of a larger woman showing her outfit to her boyfriend and asking the question "does this make me look fat?" Of course, what would the point of that question be since a "no" is expected whether it is honest or not.
On the other side of the coin, men seem comfortable increasing the length and weight of the fish that they caught on their last fishing trip, particularly when describing them to people they want to impress, or with whom they want to compete.
In societies where marriage is not arranged, both men and women become frustrated with one another over the dishonesty that seems inherent in the dating process. I have spoken to women who express frustration when men promise to contact them for future romantic excursions when they have no intention of fulfilling such commitments. I have personally experienced frustration when, while single, I worked up the nerve to ask a girl out, and was informed that while she "really wanted to" that she had scheduling conflicts due to "important" tasks such as "being busy." I can empathize with those that are told after a couple of dates that the person in whom they have interest is "not ready for a relationship" only to see them engaged to someone else a short time later.
Ultimately, the motivation that causes otherwise honest individuals to lie is typically compassion. The person wanting to avoid the date does not want to be or seem hurtful, so their fictitious schedule becomes quickly packed. The boyfriend wants his girlfriend to feel appreciated, or at minimum to continue being his girlfriend in spite of a dress of incorrect size. The man who caught a fish "as big as him" probably seeks respect from individuals for whom he feels respect.
The number of scenarios where "white lies" or "fibs" are better than the truth seems to increase all the time. Please don't misunderstand, I am by no means advocating the cruel flavor of honesty that prevails due to the anonymity of the internet. There, while people feel free to spout the filthiest and mot hurtful slurs, curses, or threats under the guise of "guest" on the forum or the mask of username "kingofhell1432" in a chat room, human decency is lost. Increasingly, even without anonymity on sites such as Facebook or Twitter, people honestly express the most vulgar or hateful sentiments, and do not seem to worry about the feelings of others.
The truth is that honesty and compassion do not need to be enemies as much as we make them. God finds value in all of his sons and daughters. There is no person, however vile, disagreeable, or awkward they may seem, that Christ excluded from his infinite sacrifice.
More to the point, does the boyfriend need to like every dress for him to express that the girlfriend is beautiful? Does the man need to exaggerate the size of his catch to express that he values the respect of his peers?
That having been said, if honesty and compassion are at odds, the correct choice is honesty. I certainly would have appreciated being told by girls that "would love to go out" but were "busy that day" actually meant "not interested in going out any day" if for no other reason than not to have to work up the nerve to call them again. While it is not great to be undesirable, the feeling of having wasted a lot of time and effort needlessly combined with feeling undesirable is worse.
To say that God is similarly concerned with truth is an understatement. Truth is so important to Christ that he assumes it as part of his identity: "I am the way, the truth, and the life..." (John 14:6) Additionally, John states: "Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:31-32)
There were times when Jesus stood up for what was right and true. He was perfectly honest when he exposed the money changers at the temple as making his Father's house a "den of thieves." (Matthew 21:13) Jesus also knew when to avoid answering questions to maintain his honesty. (Matthew 21:23-27)
God's hope is that his children will come to value honesty as he does. It is for this reason that he asks questions to which he already knows the answers. Consider the example of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden:
"And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat." (Genesis 3:8-13)
Of course, God already knew where Adam was, what he had done, and why he had done it... but he asked anyway. Both Adam and Eve responded truthfully, and while the consequences of their actions have had lasting impact, God obviously valued their family, as he was willing to sacrifice his only begotten son to provide an opportunity to save them. (John 3:16) He provided Adam and Eve opportunities to be honest in asking these questions.
A culture that values honesty is a culture that values the truth. As a Christian, I believe the truth, ultimately, is not a cold and harsh thing. The truth is that we are children of God, and that he loves us. The truth is that the difficulties of mortality are temporary, and that adherence to principles of the Gospel bring lasting happiness. Jesus Christ does want us to be honest, and he proved it is possible to be compassionate while doing it. In the end, it is just as he said... "if ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
As much as parents may value honesty in their children, the standard is somewhat relaxed in other situations.
Many people are familiar with the scenario of a larger woman showing her outfit to her boyfriend and asking the question "does this make me look fat?" Of course, what would the point of that question be since a "no" is expected whether it is honest or not.
On the other side of the coin, men seem comfortable increasing the length and weight of the fish that they caught on their last fishing trip, particularly when describing them to people they want to impress, or with whom they want to compete.
In societies where marriage is not arranged, both men and women become frustrated with one another over the dishonesty that seems inherent in the dating process. I have spoken to women who express frustration when men promise to contact them for future romantic excursions when they have no intention of fulfilling such commitments. I have personally experienced frustration when, while single, I worked up the nerve to ask a girl out, and was informed that while she "really wanted to" that she had scheduling conflicts due to "important" tasks such as "being busy." I can empathize with those that are told after a couple of dates that the person in whom they have interest is "not ready for a relationship" only to see them engaged to someone else a short time later.
Ultimately, the motivation that causes otherwise honest individuals to lie is typically compassion. The person wanting to avoid the date does not want to be or seem hurtful, so their fictitious schedule becomes quickly packed. The boyfriend wants his girlfriend to feel appreciated, or at minimum to continue being his girlfriend in spite of a dress of incorrect size. The man who caught a fish "as big as him" probably seeks respect from individuals for whom he feels respect.
The number of scenarios where "white lies" or "fibs" are better than the truth seems to increase all the time. Please don't misunderstand, I am by no means advocating the cruel flavor of honesty that prevails due to the anonymity of the internet. There, while people feel free to spout the filthiest and mot hurtful slurs, curses, or threats under the guise of "guest" on the forum or the mask of username "kingofhell1432" in a chat room, human decency is lost. Increasingly, even without anonymity on sites such as Facebook or Twitter, people honestly express the most vulgar or hateful sentiments, and do not seem to worry about the feelings of others.
The truth is that honesty and compassion do not need to be enemies as much as we make them. God finds value in all of his sons and daughters. There is no person, however vile, disagreeable, or awkward they may seem, that Christ excluded from his infinite sacrifice.
More to the point, does the boyfriend need to like every dress for him to express that the girlfriend is beautiful? Does the man need to exaggerate the size of his catch to express that he values the respect of his peers?
That having been said, if honesty and compassion are at odds, the correct choice is honesty. I certainly would have appreciated being told by girls that "would love to go out" but were "busy that day" actually meant "not interested in going out any day" if for no other reason than not to have to work up the nerve to call them again. While it is not great to be undesirable, the feeling of having wasted a lot of time and effort needlessly combined with feeling undesirable is worse.
To say that God is similarly concerned with truth is an understatement. Truth is so important to Christ that he assumes it as part of his identity: "I am the way, the truth, and the life..." (John 14:6) Additionally, John states: "Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:31-32)
There were times when Jesus stood up for what was right and true. He was perfectly honest when he exposed the money changers at the temple as making his Father's house a "den of thieves." (Matthew 21:13) Jesus also knew when to avoid answering questions to maintain his honesty. (Matthew 21:23-27)
God's hope is that his children will come to value honesty as he does. It is for this reason that he asks questions to which he already knows the answers. Consider the example of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden:
"And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat." (Genesis 3:8-13)
Of course, God already knew where Adam was, what he had done, and why he had done it... but he asked anyway. Both Adam and Eve responded truthfully, and while the consequences of their actions have had lasting impact, God obviously valued their family, as he was willing to sacrifice his only begotten son to provide an opportunity to save them. (John 3:16) He provided Adam and Eve opportunities to be honest in asking these questions.
A culture that values honesty is a culture that values the truth. As a Christian, I believe the truth, ultimately, is not a cold and harsh thing. The truth is that we are children of God, and that he loves us. The truth is that the difficulties of mortality are temporary, and that adherence to principles of the Gospel bring lasting happiness. Jesus Christ does want us to be honest, and he proved it is possible to be compassionate while doing it. In the end, it is just as he said... "if ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
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