Satire: Study shows that adult and youth sacrament meeting talks contain the same amount of doctrine

<Satire>

Sacrament meetings in a variety of wards feature unpaid speakers from the membership of the church.  Frequently, assignments include teenage youth and adults.

Careful analysis by the Weekly Standard shows that typically, youth talks are about five minutes long, whereas adult talks last between ten and fifteen minutes on average.

What surprised our analysts was that, frequently, the same amount of doctrine was taught in the youth talk as in the adult talk.

The following breakdown shows the details:

Youth talk -

• Introduction - 30 sec
• Doctrinal material - 4 min
• Testimony/conclusion - 30 sec

Adult talk -

• Introduction - 30 sec
• Extended introduction about how a couple met - 2 min
• Anecdote about spouse's personality - 2 min
• Log of events involving member of the bishopric extending speaking invitation - 2 min
• Analysis of feelings about having to speak publicly - 1 min 30 sec
• Doctrinal material - 4 min
• Testimony/conclusion - 2 min

Of course, the Weekly Standard acknowledges that these are average values, and statistical outliers exist.  Additionally, groups that significantly impact the averages, such as High Council talks (that are almost entirely doctrine-free), were not considered in the calculation.

The analysts concluded, based on this data, that adults in the church might benefit from being instructed by youth on "how to just get to the point already."

</Satire>

How NOT to teach from conference talks

For the past several years, teaching in Melchizedek Priesthood quorums and Relief Society in Sunday meetings have focused on the teachings of former presidents of the church.

This coming year, these meetings will focus on the teachings of living prophets and apostles.  This announcement is both exciting and terrifying.

Exciting because members of the church frequently take for granted that we enjoy the counsel of prophets and apostles who are guided by Jesus Christ.  There have been times when only a small family such as that of Noah or of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob enjoyed this type of guidance.  In the days of Moses, or during the reign of the Kings of Judah and Israel, a small nation had access to prophetic guidance.  The current availability of prophets to people around the globe is unprecedented, and frequently overlooked.  Emphasis on these inspired messages in Sunday meetings provides an opportunity for those who attend to receive the servants of God.

Terrifying because many people have sat through "Teachings for our Times" lessons that focused on general conference talks that follow this tired formula:

1. The instructor gets a volunteer to read a paragraph from a talk
2. The instructor tells everyone that they like the paragraph
3. The instructor asks a question that can be answered by "read your scriptures, go to church, pray."
4. The instructor checks the clock, and unless it is at least 5 minutes passed when the class is supposed to end, they begin again at step 1

The new teaching materials for youth and now for Priesthood and Relief Society are titled "Teaching in the Savior's Way," and this focus is intended to do promote that.  Rather than have a structured lesson from a manual, the philosophy is meant to provide opportunity to counsel and instruct based on the needs of the individuals.  This format is intended to promote a more natural expression of truth, faith, and testimony, and less of a canned one-size-fits-all lesson.

This is exactly how Jesus taught.  To some people, he emphasized truths using dramatic comparisons such as the prodigal son and the good Samaritan.  To others, he spoke more abstractly, such as his message to Nicodemus about being born again (John 3), or his teachings about the need to seek the bread of life to those who were hoping Jesus would give them a free meal (John 6).  He spoke with impressive authority in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), and with patience for little children (Mark 10).  He knew how to handle those who were argumentative (Matthew 21:23-45), and those who needed help (Mark 2).

Jesus wanted people to think deeply about eternal truths.  His approach encouraged people to search the scriptures and the words of the prophets, and persuaded people to pray, even though he did not emphasize the use of questions like "what are some ways we can follow the prophets?" or "who has a personal experience about this principle that they would be willing to share?"  Though the words of prophets were fundamental to his message, he demonstrated their importance through application and demonstration rather than a shallow proclamation such as "I like what Isaiah said there."

For those who are assigned to teach in any capacity, I hope that this new focus encourages you to teach as Jesus did.  Let the words of the prophets and the guidance of the Holy Ghost help you to persuade bad men to become good... and good men to become better... "Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ." (Ephesians 4:13)

Restoration and the Strait and Narrow Path

Shortly after returning from my mission, I recall hearing about a scandal in the Catholic Church where their clergymen were participating in and covering up heinous crimes.  On one occasion, I watched a news program that had a number of guests.  One of these guests was a representative of an organization of members of the Catholic church that actively worked to affect change in doctrine, policy, and practice.  I could hardly believe that such an organization would exist... I mean, if you believe that the leadership of your church is inspired, and receives direction from God himself, why would you want to form a group that wants to alter such inspiration?

At the time, I thought to myself how glad I was to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, after all, for the most part we understood that the church was led by revelation, and that organizing groups to affect change was completely foolish.  Of course, about ten years later, I have learned of the existence of a number of groups of "Mormons" that actively try to alter the doctrines, policies, and practices because they are under the impression that the leadership of the church could be more inspired if it listened to them.  

Some of these individuals have even gone to the length of being excommunicated from the church to promote their views.  To me, this seems completely idiotic.  It's like Frodo giving the One Ring to a Nazgul, because they can bring it to Mordor faster than a hobbit.  It's like cutting off your own hand to convince people that Captain Hook wasn't such a bad guy.  It's like eating at McDonald's...  That's all I had for that one, but that's pretty bad, right?

Anyway, back when I heard about the Catholic controversies, I was under the impression that apostasy and restoration were best described as events.  These events had happened more than a century previously.  What I have come to recognize as I have seen some members of our own faith openly fighting against the prophets and apostles they claim to sustain, is that apostasy and restoration are better described as forces.  They represent two factions of a very real and very ancient conflict.  They are not limited to a pair of events in relatively recent history... but even now, the forces of apostasy are seeking to displace the forces of restoration.

To add to the difficulty in this conflict, apostasy seems to have the upper hand.  Less than 1% of humans alive today are members of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, and while the church is growing, there are so many ways that the forces of evil can lure people away from the blessings of restoration.  Some individuals get hung up on century-old statements, others are offended by things like misspellings in revelations, or others by who is allowed to hold the priesthood.

On the other hand, there is a very specific path that must be followed in order to receive the blessings of restoration.  The pattern that is repeated over and over again in restoration is this: 1. Search the scriptures.  2. Pray.  3. Believe in the power of God.

Consider the First Vision: Joseph Smith searched the Bible and came across James 1:5, then he went to the sacred grove to pray...  While he may not have anticipated the appearance of the Father and the Son, he knew that God had power to answer his questions, and grant him the wisdom he lacked.

Consider the Restoration of the Priesthood: Joseph found passages in the Book of Mormon describing the authority to baptize, then he went and prayed with Oliver Cowdery...  While they did not know that John the Baptist would appear and restore this power, they believed that God was the ultimate source of authority.

Consider the methods our missionaries invite people to use to gain testimonies: They read select passages from the Book of Mormon, they are asked to pray to ask God what is true, and if they ask with faith and real intent, then the truth is manifested by the power of the Holy Ghost, just as Moroni promised.

With many ways that lead to apostasy, and only one that leads to the truth of the restoration, it is just as Jesus said: "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate and broad is the way which leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat.  Because strait is the gate and narrow the way which leadeth unto life, and few there be which find it." (Matthew 7:13-14)

Because restoration is not a one time event, it is worth discussing each of these steps that lead to the strait and narrow path.  

First: search the scriptures.

I have heard many stories of individuals that had questions or trials and flipped open their scriptures to find a verse that provided the perfect words to help them.  I have never personally experienced this, and I propose that more often, the answers that we need come from regularly searching the scriptures... not just reading... but searching the scriptures.

With more scripture available to us in this dispensation than ever before, the question should be for what should I search?

Let us return to the example of Joseph Smith.  Here is his description of what he found after reading James 1:5:

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.  Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know..."

I suggest that the feeling that came to him is the thing for which we should search.  The connection to Christ that comes from reading the Word of God is what led Joseph to the grove of trees.

Please also note that the same scripture that inspires one individual, may not be the most inspiring scripture for another.  This is by design.  Some people need to know of the love of God, and stories of mercy such as Christ blessing the Nephite children, or the mercy that God extended to Nineveh after Jonah's preaching, or the pleading of God that Israel return to him to be healed.

For me, I find confidence in God as I read stories of him sending fire from heaven, or dividing the red sea so that there was a wall of water on either side of the Israelites, or in the way he saved Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego from Nebuchadnezzar's burning fiery furnace when they boldly held to their faith.

The more that individuals search for and find the scriptures that help them to feel a connection to God, and an assurance that he is real, the easier it becomes to recognize the blessings of the restoration, and walk the strait and narrow path of which Christ spoke.

Second: Pray.

Jesus was not the sort of person that needed a lot of answers or understanding, but even he was a huge advocate of prayer.  He not only preached of it, but he practiced it... and he practiced it frequently.  It makes his advice on the subject the most valuable of any.

Jesus taught:

"And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. 

But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him. 

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen." (Matthew 6:5-13)

After giving advice on how to make prayer effective, he then offered an incredibly bold promise:

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?" (Matthew 7:7-11)

As the greatest expert on prayer, Christ was clear in saying that God answers them, and that the answer is probably a yes.  It is not necessary to distinguish between "not now" answers and "right now" answers...  When a prayer is offered in the manner which he taught, the answer is yes.  Praying to have a family, or that your family will receive help, or that sickness or infirmities will be removed will result in an answer of yes.

Is it any wonder that prayer is so important in the force of restoration?

Third: Believe in the power of God.

There are people who read the scriptures and offer prayers, but that can come away with the impression that participation in the true Church and the blessings of the restoration are unimportant.  That is undoubtedly why Joseph Smith was persecuted when he shared his experiences with individuals in a community where religious devotion was important in the lives of every person.  Prayer and scripture study were known throughout the region, but the power of God was not.

Mormon taught on this subject in Moroni 7:33-37:

" And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me. And he hath said: Repent all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me, and be baptized in my name, and have faith in me, that ye may be saved. And now, my beloved brethren, if this be the case that these things are true which I have spoken unto you, and God will show unto you, with power and great glory at the last day, that they are true, and if they are true has the day of miracles ceased? Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved? Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that miracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of unbelief, and all is vain."

Please do not misunderstand me.  I am not suggesting that you should demand an angelic visitation, or that you should withhold your faith until you have experienced a miracle.  Sign-seeking is bad.

I am saying that when you are on the Lord's errand, the Lord can help you... and not just by offering comfortable speech or the type of motivation you find on a pretty picture in a corporate office... he has real power.  The gift of tongues, prophecy, revelations, visions, healings, and the interpretation of tongues do not even scratch the surface of what God is capable of giving to you if you take part in the divine work of restoration.

Whether your role in this work emphasizes restoring those that have passed on to the blessings of ordinances in the House of God, or undoing the damage of apostasies ancient and modern by proclaiming the gospel to those around us, or in striving to bring our families and ourselves closer to Christ, the power of God will aid those that are engaged in his divine work... and that believe in him.

With so many apostate influences seeking to bring men away from the restored truths, it is important to know how to find the path that leads to God.  It is just as Christ taught: "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate and broad is the way which leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat.  Because strait is the gate and narrow the way which leadeth unto life, and few there be which find it." (Matthew 7:13-14)

It is also important to note that the methods of searching the scriptures, prayer, and believing in the power of God are not the path... they are methods to find the path, or to stay close to it if it has already been found.  The path is something separate... Oh, it leads people back to God... but it has a different name.

The name of the Strait and Narrow Path that leads to God is Jesus Christ.  He is the way, the truth, and the life... and no man cometh unto the Father but by him.

For those that accept his invitation to enter at the strait gate... for those that strive to forge bonds with him through searching the scriptures, prayer, and believing in his power, and persist in following him, he will lead them back to the presence of our Heavenly Father, never more to part.

Anatomy of a High Council Talk

High Council Sunday...  perhaps the most yawn-inducing event in all of Mormonism.  Of course there are some individuals with this calling that do have some speaking ability, but it seems that the vast majority of gentlemen that address LDS congregations monthly are not chosen for their speaking abilities.

 I frequently wonder if some of them know how terrible their talks are.  When the 12-year-old youth speaker outshines them with a monotone reading of a random New Era article, it makes the audience wonder if they intend to give a horrible talk as some sort of punishment.  Perhaps our ward's contributions to the Boy Scouts were low...  perhaps we had poor attendance at the Stake fireside, or Stake Priesthood meeting...  Perhaps the Stake Presidency just hates our ward...  Wonder no longer; today we will analyze the anatomy of a High Council talk!

The format for this lighthearted analysis will consist of the high council speaker's words in bold and their thoughts in italics.

Wow, that youth speaker had way better material than me...  maybe if I just take two minutes to arrange my papers, I can avoid an awkward transition.  Hey!  I remember this paper, it was something I doodled instead of preparing a talk!  Best decision ever!  Oh crap!  A lot of people are staring at me...  They don't look happy either...  what can I say so that they never find out I was assigned to this ward because the Stake presidency can't stand them?  Oh I know!

Brothers and Sisters, I bring you the love of the Stake Presidency...

Whew!  That was close.  Now I can just babble about them for a couple minutes...  I just have to remember not to bring up the fact that this ward didn't contribute enough to Boy Scouts so I don't offend anyone.  Although if they haven't already been offended by how tight an green my Scout shorts are, maybe it won't hurt...  I'm getting sidetracked though...  the number of screaming children has doubled since I started...  I know!  I can just tell them I worked hard on preparing my talk!

So anyway...  I have been given an important topic today...  it is the topic of prayer!

Heh!  That did it!  They know they will feel guilty if they don't listen to a talk about prayer!  Crap... what do I say now?

When I got this topic, I was really excited...

Why are everyone's eyes glazing over?  Do they know that I was lying about being excited about prayer?  Heck, last night I fell asleep after 2 minutes of praying and woke up in a pool of my own drool 2 hours later...

I remember when I was a boy, my parents taught me to pray...

Or more accurately, they would spank me when I prayed for the Lions to win more football games instead of grandma to get better...

It's a lesson I've never forgotten...

 Unless it's football season...

It reminds me of the scripture story about ...

Come on brain, don't fail me now...

Enoch..  who prayed all day and all night...

What are those primary kids whispering?  Did I say something wrong?  Enos...that's what they're saying?  Ah crap...

Oh right...  Enos...  your kids are smarter than I am...

Condescending brats!

Anyway, Enos prayed all day and all night, and...

It looks like everyone is calming down now.  I can just keep spouting random details about Enos and I will have like five minutes left.  I wonder how much time I've used.  Probably at least seven minutes out of my fifteen...  I'll just look at the clock...  oh crap, only two minutes!?!?!?  But it felt like forever...  I wonder if that's how the congregation feels...  nah...  they love me!

And so my Uncle Frank's cancer got worse, and we didn't know what to do...

What am I even saying?  How did I get to Uncle Frank's cancer?  Oh well, it has a lot of details, so that's sure to keep people occupied...

 And he was coughing out blood and he had difficulty using the toilet...  his vision wasn't great either, which made it difficult for him to enjoy his favorite game show, the Price is Right...

Heh!  That was a great show...  "Come on down!!!!"


And anyway, the cows would kick over the milk bucket and spill it all over...  I would get so mad at them...

Is that the sound of applause?  I know they must love me, but we probably shouldn't applaud in Sacrament meeting...  oh wait...  that's snoring...

And so that's why shopping on Sunday is bad...  Sure, I enjoy a doughnut as much as the next guy...  in fact, my wife tells me I enjoy them a bit more than the next guy...   but I have a testimony that the word of wisdom helps us in our lives....

I'm on a roll now! Everything is coming together now!

...and that's when my son told me that he appreciated my example...  and I'm not saying that to boast, I'm saying that the Savior has blessed me...

...probably more than you...  Yeah, I'm both awesome AND humble!

...and I loved my mother...  she was the best...  even with her dementia and when she started fires in the care center that we sent her to...

Man I hated that care center...  I hope my kids send me someplace nicer when I lose it...

...and that's what happens when you try to go fishing without bait...  I mean what did you expect when...

What's that on my shoulder?  Oh...  it's the Bishop tapping his watch...  well he doesn't have to glare at me...

Well brothers and sisters...  Bishop is tapping his watch so I guess I should wrap it up...  I just want to bear my testimony of prayer.  I love prayer...  and that reminds me of when my daughter was sick and she was just puking all over the place...  it was the really gross...

Oh and that's just like when my sister ate that chicken that we had left out too long...  that was awful...

...so it's a good thing I had health insurance...  it's also a good thing to...

What now?!?!  Oh it's the Bishop tapping his watch again...  no wonder the Stake President doesn't like this ward...  they don't even let you finish your train of thought...

 Well... anyway...  that's my testimony of prayer...

I think that talk went pretty well!  I'm sure the reason all the people in the congregation are sleeping is because of the early meeting schedule...

Obviously this account is a bit tongue in cheek... but the kernel of truth at its core is that everyone could benefit from a little preparation, or with a greater understanding of oration.  Obviously no one is going to be as good as Jesus, who astonished people with his power and authority, (Matthew 7:28-29) but it should be the practice of Christians to try to connect with their audience when expressing the importance of his gospel.

It is also understood that there are some people who will not accept or appreciate the truth regardless of the presentation method, but for those that are sitting in a church congregation, this is likely a very small number.

If you are assigned to give a talk, consider the negative feelings that come on high council Sunday, and try and avoid pointless details and incoherent ramblings.  No one cares about how you prepare a talk unless it is really really good, and if they think it is, they will ask you.  Don't waste time on that subject during the talk.  Be mindful of the time.  Even great orators that can hold an audience's attention for long stretches know the value of being concise.  It is better to have a short talk with value and substance than a long talk that will be forgotten before the benediction.

 Ultimately, know one is perfect, but it doesn't hurt to try to be better....

"Reading my scriptures, going to church, and praying are ways to help me ______ ?!?!? I'm going to these things every day for the rest of my life!" - No one ever

When Jesus taught, he did so in a manner that provoked deep thinking and spiritual investigation.  He did not necessarily teach in the tone or manner that people expected.  In some cases, he talked about simple things such as being poor in spirit and meek.  (Matthew 5:3,5)  In other cases, he boldly declared that he would reject many that came to him calling him Lord.  (Matthew 7:21-23)

People were amazed when Jesus taught.  He taught "as one having authority, and not as the scribes."  (Matthew 7:29)

For 2013, the Mormon church has determined to re-work its curriculum for youth classes based on the same concepts as the missionary discussion replacement "Preach My Gospel."  The new curriculum is titled "Come, Follow Me."  It features the use of principles called "Teaching in the Savior's Way."

One of the concepts promoted by this style of teaching is the use of audience-appropriate material based on loose principles and outlines rather than pre-structured lessons.  The use of this method provokes a combination of excitement and anxiety.  I am excited at the prospect of people putting more thought into lesson preparation than cracking the manual open during Sacrament Meeting.  I am nervous about the prospect of teachers flying by the seat of their pants or preparing something that is completely off-topic.

If nothing else, hopefully this method of teaching will produce better questions to ask class members.  The worst question that can be asked in any lesson is the question that can be answered by "read your scriptures, go to church, and pray."  These questions are typically asked by well-meaning teachers, but they are hardly thought provoking, and used far too frequently.  A lesson with the subject of the Holy Spirit almost inevitably features the question "What are some ways that we can have the spirit more in our lives?"  A lesson about faith features the question "What are some ways that we can show our faith?"  A lesson about Temple attendance asks "How can a person prepare to attend the Temple?"  A lesson about strengthening families will ask "How do you strengthen your family?"

I have never known of anyone that sat up and started paying attention when the answer "read your scriptures, go to church, and pray" was given and think to themselves "that's right!  I need to read my scriptures, go to church, and pray!  I'm going to do these tasks without fail from now on!"

I have found that questions that challenge me to define Christianity or understand scriptures are far more thought provoking than questions that can be answered by enumerable lists of well-known information.  For example, if strong faith has been compared in the scriptures to moving mountains, then does that mean faith is generally weak since considering the low number of faith-based mountain moves?  Thinking about how faith is a power (Matthew 17:20), and how it must also be based in truth (Alma 32:21) can lead to a greater understanding of how it works.  Jesus questioned his disciples to challenge them to consider their faith asking what they believed. (Matthew 16:13-16)

Questions that can quickly be answered by "the atonement" are typically less effective as well.  Of course the atonement of Christ is the center of Christian worship and doctrine, but this information is probably not news to anyone that has some knowledge of the faith.  In general, if the answer to a question is painfully obvious, it probably should not be asked.  If a teacher wishes to help people believe in the power of Christ's sacrifice, my experience is that testimony is superior to a simplistic question that can be answered.  More thought provoking questions involving how ordinances apply the power of his sacrifice or the role of penitence and forgiveness are far more effective.

Ultimately, my hope is that teachers of Christianity everywhere will learn to speak with power and authority as Christ himself did.  Inviting people to come to God is better accomplished when manuals are simply read aloud, or when questions to which everyone knows the answers are asked.  The message of salvation is not casual; it should not be taught casually.

The Mediocre Mormon Talk

Many churches have ministers or pastors that perform their duties as a career.  The congregations of these churches typically benefit from the instruction of a speaker that is eloquent, passionate, and clear.  The storytelling skills of these individuals is typically quite impressive.  Successful pastors can hold the attention of large and even divers audiences for long periods of time.

Mormons do not have paid clergy.  The leadership of the church comes from the membership.  Our Bishops and High Priests must typically maintain separate jobs in addition to their ecclesiastical duties in order to support themselves.  While there are many advantages to the all-volunteer system, training in and passion for public speaking are not always among them.

Even in cases where leaders are gifted speakers the typical Sunday service provides speaking opportunities to members of the congregation.  This means that almost any person could be called upon to give a talk.  The result?  Mediocrity....

Many congregations will have a youth speaker that will give a 5-minute talk, followed by two adult speakers (often a married couple) that will each give talks between 10 and 15 minutes.

Frequently youth speakers will read a story from a periodical and perhaps a few applicable verses from the scriptures until their assigned time is expired.  This is not necessarily a bad technique for public speakers as young as 12, although forming a habit of just reading a few items that are probably related to the assigned subject is not good practice.

The true mediocrity appears more frequently in the adult talks.  Many times, the technique and even the content is identical to the youth speakers with the exception of lengthy and largely pointless introductions, and recitals of the moments when a member of the Bishopric contacted the speaker to give them the speaking assignment.  These recitals almost always involve the speaker talking about their loathing of public speaking and end with the phrase "but I'm grateful for the opportunity to speak to you today..."

Another popular technique of mediocrity is to share the process of talk preparation.  This method usually begins with the phrase "...as I was looking for what to talk about..."  The speaker then goes on to talk about how they looked in the dictionary, they searched for talks that other people had given, they looked in the scriptures, or they talked to someone they knew.  This type of speaking rarely amounts to little more than stalling.  In fact, most of the techniques used in speaking revolve around a central goal of filling the air with words for the requested duration of time. 

While it is good to have some sources and quote some scripture, speaking should never exclusively be recycling other peoples thoughts.  In between reading quotes from church leaders or other sources, the speaker inserts their "original" commentary of "I really like this quote/story/scripture."  This is especially a problem when the assigned talk subject is... a talk.  These produce the worst results and the greatest chance that the speaker will just read large portions of someone else's talk, with little passion, insight, and typically with average articulation.

No wonder so many LDS services are mediocre.

Would anyone imagine Jesus speaking to people using these techniques?  It might start something like this abbreviated hypothetical version of a sermon (no blasphemy intended):

Hello everyone... I hope you'll bear with me today as I have been asked to speak to you... I thought I would start by introducing myself.  I'm Jesus.  I've lived most of my life in Nazareth, but I was actually born in Bethlehem and even lived in Egypt for a while while Herod was... well... killing babies.  I have a lot of experience in carpentry.  So that's me!

I was asked by my Father to talk to you about the gospel... I thought a long time about it.  In fact, I've fasted and prayed for a long time, and even been to the temple as I thought about what I would say.  I think that this assignment is going to be tough, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to speak to you today.

The hypothetical sermon would then contain mostly quotes from the scriptures followed perhaps by the "I really like this scripture.  It means a lot." as the only original material.

The truth is that Jesus spoke boldly, passionately, and persuasively.  He wasn't just trying to 'get through' his sermons, or speak so as to fill an assigned interval of time.  He was speaking to persuade people to understand and to do what was right. (Matthew 5:17-19)  He was incredibly bold and taught ideas that were consistent with the law and the prophets, but with new and original insight. (Matthew 5:38-44)  He made it clear that his words were not simply to entertain, but his council was to be followed. (Matthew 7:24-27)  When he concluded, his audience was amazed by the power with which he addressed them.  Matthew writes "And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine: For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes." (Matthew 7:28-29)

The message of the Mormon church is bold.  Its purpose is not to fill a time interval in Sunday services, it is to change the world.  It represents the ultimate transforming power that makes bad men good and good men better.  There is no need to dilute the core truths with mediocrity.

Jesus Christ is the son of God.  He is alive and well, and he is guiding his church.  Joseph Smith saw him, and received power from him just as the apostles of old.  By his power, the Book of Mormon was translated, that we might have a purely prophetic book by which we can be made to understand faith, penitence, baptism, the Holy Ghost, and all important aspects of his unfailing kingdom.  He has given men the power to act in his name to spread his teachings and will to every nation, kindred, tongue, and people.

With so much powerful and profound truth, it is a shame to see mediocrity in talks and lessons.  The purpose of any talk should be to persuade men to come to Christ and to do his will.  Next to that, the speaker's brief biography, their methods of preparation, their liking of scriptures, quotes, and stories, or any stalling techniques are trivial, boring, and mediocre.

While no one can teach or speak as well as Jesus did, it sure would help if more people tried.